Men in Black:Dattebayo!
by Tarisson
Summary: Sasuke says he wants to spend millenia with me. That's a problem because I don't live a millenia. What's even weirder is the fact that he's over a thousand years old, so doesn't that mean he's a pedophile? And what's with Itachi's drinking problem? Life was much simpler when I didn't know an alien lived down the street.-Lemons in later chapters. Suckish summary, great story. R&Rplz
1. Morning Chaos

**Hey Guys! It's me, Tara. This is my first fanfic, and it's really gonna be good because I've improved my writing skills. I'm dedicating this story to Addison (~swoons in a fangirlish way) and I hope you enjoy this first chapter! Everything is being re-written, so yea...**

**8/29/12: I'm doing some editing on this chapter. I hope it's better!**

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><p>The morning started off as any other summer day: warm and sunny, A fluff of pink fanned over a luxurious queen sized pillow, and the owner of the pink velvet was laying on her tummy, sleeping soundly. It was 6:30 a.m., and she snored softly but cutely. Everything was at peace; it was truly a beautiful morning. That is, until a rumbling noise came swiftly up the stairs that led to the pinkette's bedroom.<p>

"SAKURA - CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"

What the hell was that?! Oh, it's just Naruto.. He's a loveable oaf and is also Sakura's older brother. He was a sunny blonde (the color of all dunderheads. Total stereotype. Ino is smart sometimes!) He was a well-built young man, and for the most part, had the common sense to make up for his lack of book smarts. As the 6'2" tanned behemoth stormed upstairs at 6:45 a.m to wake his sister from her slumber, Sakura was beginning to stir.

She purred sleepily and stretched her legs much like a cat would. No she was not a neko, but she was definitely a cat in her own way. She was about to roll over and go to sleep again, when her door was nearly blasted off its hinges by a frightened looking Naruto.

"Naruto! What the hell?" She looked over to her alarm clock and added in an exasperated tone, "It's fricken 6:47 a.m! What do you want?"

Naruto looked at her with a tilted head and a puzzled look. "Sakura-chan..It's the 12th. We have school today, ya know?" She lifted her pink head from her pillow and cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Is this another one of your jokes?" just then, her Droid Razr began to ring. Sakura hated iPhones, they were what all the wannabe scene people got. It wasn't a real phone. A real phone was the Razr, which was practically indestructible. She had tested it by letting Naruto use it for an entire day. Lo and behold, the phone came back without a scratch on it. She picked it up; it was Ino.

"FOREHEAD! WHAT THE HELL? WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME? YOU KNOW TODAY IS OUR FIRST SCHOOL DAY OF THE YEAR! ARE YOU STILL ASLEEP?!"

Sakura cringed at her best friend's loudness and screeched into the phone, "YES, INO! I WAS STILL ASLEEP, BUT NARU – KUN WOKE ME UP! I'LL BE READY IN A FEW! RAWR!"

Ino must've gotten the message because she replied in a quieter tone, "Oh, ok. Well ill see you in 20." Sakura hung up the phone. Her ears were ringing and she hadn't even been up 10 minutes. She shuffled across the floor to her bathroom to start her shower. Naruto. Hearing Ino's screams over the phone, had since scurried downstairs to cook ramen.

Sakura came downstairs quickly and sauntered over to the kitchen island where a steaming bowl of miso ramen was waiting just for her. She knew it was hers because there were 2 other empty bowls, and Naruto was currently noming on a third bowl. She decided to snatch up her bowl before Naruto could. She sat down and ate while Naruto basicly inhaled his last bowl of ramen.

"Jeeze, Naru-Kun...I know you like sports and all, but don't you think that's enough for breakfast? We still have lunch and dinner to think about..."

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><p>~With Sasuke and Itachi~<p>

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><p>"SASUKE! YOU LAZY PLUG HOLE, GET UP!"<p>

"GAH, ITACHI! YOU'RE WORSE THAN NARUTO! LET ME SLEEP, FOR KAMI'S SAKE!" Sasuke pulled his pillow over his head in a futile attempt to block out his older brother's screeching. He wanted to sleep; why was Itachi torturing him on such a lovely morning?

"SASUKE, BY GOD, IF YOU MISS THE BUS YOUR ASS IS WALKING!" at this, Saskue shot up from bed.

"Bus? WHAT BUS?!" Itachi looked at him as if he had sprouted two extra heads. He just stood there, mouth agape. He never did that often, only when something really freaked him out.

"Itachi...why are you looking at me like that?" Sasuke asked his brother, who had since turned a ghostly white. His eyes were bulging from his head as he stared at a lump beside Sasuke in bed.

"?" Sasuke turned to where Itachi was staring, and then looked upon the lump himself with an equally frightened face as his brother.

"KARIN! GET THE FAWK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Karin was startled at the scream in her ear, and tumbled ungracefully out of the bed.

"Sasuke-kun! Heh Heh" she tried to swing her hips in a sexy way as she got up. "Why did you scare me like that? Oh, Itachi – kun! You've come to join us!" she said, trying to climb back into bed beside Sasuke.

"Oh no. Oh NO. OH HELL NO." it wasn't Sasuke who was freaking out, it was his over protective brother. He none too gently grabbed Karin and flung her out the window she had slithered in through. She landed on her face in the freshly trimmed grass of the Uchiha compound backyard, where she shuffled embarrassed over the fence and back into her own yard.

"Ugh I swear. I really wish she hadn't moved in next door..." Sasuke said, scooting from bed and ruffling his hair. Itachi glared at him as he watched his brother move about like nothing had just happened.

"Sasuke, how many times do I have to tell you to lock your windows?!" Sasuke moaned and thought inwardly _**Gosh. Here we go again..**_

"Countless times! And how can you just saunter around like I didn't just pry an HIV positive slutbag from your bed? I have to do everything for you!"

"Itachi, we don't know for sure if she's HIV positive."

"Yeah, for all we know she could have AIDS." Itachi mumbled. He spinned around on his heel and turned his head slightly as he was in Sasuke's doorway. He added "Put on your uniform. The Good One. First impressions are lasting impressions. This IS your Sophomore year." with that, he brooded down the hall and down the stairs to begin breakfast.

Sasuke mumbled angrily to himself. He HATED his good uniform. There was nothing wrong with it..Literally. There were no holes intentionally torn in it, no disheveled shirts, the tie was starched and ironed primly, and the pants swayed gracefully when he walked. It was so..._sophisticated. _And he _hated _it.

None the less, he showered and pulled on the uniform as Itachi had told him. He tied the tie around his neck professionally.

"Calm down, Uchiha Sasuke. It's just for one day..One day you can look like a geek. But I wouldn't even wear this...this _thing _today if it weren't for him. Only because he won't allow badasses to date his 'precious baby sister'. Tch. Troublesome." He paused, vaguely noticing his was sounding like Shikamaru – san.

"SASUKE! STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF AND GET YOUR WHITE ASS DOWN HERE FOR BREAKFAST!"

_**How the fuck does he know I talk to myself?!**_

**You're not that hard to understand as you think...**

_**Where the hell have you been? . **_

**Oh, so you missed me? I missed you too baby. Mwah Mwah, kiss kiss.**

_**Tch. Make yourself useful and update me.**_

And after his little...chat.. with his inner self (that had been missing for about two months now. Probably on a tropical vacation) Sasuke headed downstairs.

"Ah, Sasuke. Finally. Bus comes in ten. Munch Munch Munch" Itachi greeted as he stuffed his face. Sasuke smirked at his older brother.

"No wonder you're still single."

"Fuck you hater. You know I'm sexier than you." Itachi said, pointing his fork accusingly at his otouto. "Now sit down and eat the God Damned breakfast I made. I don't slave over a stove like a _woman _just to hear your back sass...Chicken ass."

Not wanted to gt his ass kicked this early in the morning, Sasuke sat down and ate his breakfast without another defying word.

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><p>~At Naruto and Sakura's house.~<p>

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><p>"NARUTO! THE BUS IS COMING!" you could hear Sakura's screaming two light years away.<p>

"Jeez, Sakura -chan! Why do we have to ride the bus anyway? We have cars!" Naruto groaned, not wanting to ride the crowded, smelly bus.

"Because _Sasuke – kun _is going to ride the bus!" She replied as if it were the simplest thing in the world. "We have to ride! Now hurry up, the bus isn't going to wait!"

"Ugh. I dunno what you see in Sasuke – teme... He's always getting into trouble. I don't approve." Naruto slurred as he chugged down some coffee in a thermos. If there's one thing close to ramen that he couldn't live without, it was coffee.

"Aw Naruto, you're just a big fluff is all." And with that, she scurried out the door and down the driveway to meet the bus. Naruto lagged behind. Being the responsible one today, he closed and locked the door. He took a second look to make sure all the windows were closed and then ran full speed onto the bus. Sakura was already occupying the back seat as he made his was down the aisle.

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><p>~At the Uchiha Compound.~<p>

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><p>Sasuke watched Sakura shoot onto the bus from three houses down the street. He stood cooly beside Itachi, who was a senior at the school. (Yes, I know the ages are pretty close, but Itachi has important parts later in the story.) As the bus approached, Itachi went over the rules with Sasuke again, much like a mother would..Since, well..they didn't have a mother anymore.<p>

"No sleeping or horseplaying in class; we go to school to learn. No sex in between classes. I don't need any more kids other than you running around the house. And I expect you to be a virgin when you marry. No cursing out teachers; remember what I did to you last time that happened..."

"Ok , ok Itachi. I'm gonna be on good behavior this year. I have to, or else Naruto won't let me near you-know-who."

"You really like Sakura-chan, don't you? I wouldn't think you'd act with the least bit of sense for a girl. I mean, look at you! You're a total douche."

"Nice words of encouragement, Onii-san. " Sasuke drawled. "But you will not deter me from capturing her. The Mother Planet will be pleased if I do. Not to mention myself. She is a doll..." the bus pulled up almost immediately after he finished, and the two climbed aboard.

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><p><strong> Suspense! What is the Mother Planet? Is Sasuke an alien? Will Sakura end up in Sasuke's arms? Will Naruto destroy Sasuke before it can happen? Find out next time!Yes, I know it was short, but I wrote this yesterday, Black Friday. I had to huurry over to Walmart. So review. Flame me, I need criticism, but I also need encouragement to finish.<strong>


	2. Meeting Up

**Hey guys! What's up? I didn't get any reviews for the last chapter so far... ; _ ; but it's cool! I'm gonna keep going. Suspense is killing me! So let's get on with this. Thumbs up for AngelHearteD for encouraging me. :D! K, here we go.**

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><p>"Ahh, Konoha High! Where all the scene kids learn and socialize!" Naruto purred. Indeed, Konoha High was a sight to lay eyes on. It was more of a castle than a high school to those who have just seen it. There were three tall turrets that jutted from the building. The only thing that looked remotely modern were the steel cased windows and large metal double doors.<p>

"Oh I haven't seen this place in ages!" Sakura beamed. She was on the left of Naruto, who had made it his business to stay between his baby sister and the dreaded Sasuke – teme. Sasuke however, was trying his best to make conversation with Sakura without setting Naruto off. What was his deal? It's not like Sasuke was _that _bad.

"So Sakura, I was -gah- thinking we could..geh.. go out..for..GAH. NARUTO!" Sasuke was strugglling to get past Naruto to talk to the pink haired cutie, but Naruto was the best basketball defense in the country. It was certified. Sure, Naruto was a complete dimwit in class, but in sports he was a genius.

"Why the fuck are you always flirting with my sis?" Naruto hissed at the raven haired boy. Sasuke just blinked at him as if he were crazy. Itachi shook his head and pulled his little brother by his arm into the school, Sasuke hissing profanities the entire way.

"Naruto – kun... why do you hate Sasuke so?" Sakura asked innocently. Naruto groaned and pulled her into the school much like Itachi had.

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><p>~In the Auditorium~<p>

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><p>Tsunade was a fairly large woman with blonde hair and hazel eyes. Her bust was large, but appropriate for a 5' 11" grown woman. She held a steely gaze over her students and then began to speak.<p>

"Students! So nice to see you! My name is Tsunade- sama and I am the headmistress. I expect you all to be on good behavior or you'll have to deal with _me._" she paused and cracked her knuckles for emphasis, and as a rebuttal, the audience cringed. "Now, there are four tables to the right. They hold every students name for the corresponding grade. Please go to the correct table to pick up your schedule."

"Oh, Naruto! I'm so close to graduating now!" Sakura swooned as she hooked arms with her big brother. "I wonder if I'll get any classes with Sasuke – kun..." she blushed at the thought of sitting next to him in class.

"Yea, yea _Sasuke – teme_ probably will be in your classes. You're both in the same grade.. And in honors classes." he pouted a little at his last statement. Sakura noticed this and gave him a cuddle.

"Aw Naruto..You're the perfect brother even if you aren't in honors classes! I love you!" Naruto blushed beet red at his sister's compliment. And that's when it happened...

"NARUUUUUUUUTOOO! SAKURRRRRRRRA!"

"Oh Kami! NARUTO! RUN! RUN THE OTHER WAY!" some random person warned them, but it was too late. The couple was tackled by the blonde wierdo Ino Yamanaka.

"Ino, what the hell?! You could've killed us!" Naruto managed to shove the blonde bimbo off of him before she crushed him and his baby sister. Ino may have been skinny, but she was _hella _dense.

"Yo, guys. I just wanted to say hi!" Ino said, smirking at the traffic block she'd caused in the hallway. Honestly, where do these people come from? No, seriously. SCRIPT?!

"Well jeeze. Next time will ya just _say _hello?" Sakura huffed as she stood and straightened her skirt. "I mean, GOD, Ino.. My skirt is ruffled!" Sakura frowned as she flicked a tiny black bug off of her sock.

"HEY! SAKURA YOU HOE!" Sakura gasped and looked around for a face to punch, when Shino came shuffling down the hall carrying three large cardboard boxes filled with small holes.

"Shino? How dare you call me a lowly hooker? I'LL PUNCH YOUR FACE IN!" Shino rolled his eyes at her and he scrambled after the bug. He finally caught it and walked over to put it into the first box. He turned to Sakura as he opened the box saying,

"Fuck you, Saku-Pie. I know you hit hard but everyone in the fucking school knows that you suck at fighting!" Sakura pouted at Shino. It was true, Sakura couldn't fight for herself.. Only when another innocent person was in trouble could she kick ass.

"Hey Shino, leave Sakura alone! She saved your ass from that wierdo _Yumei._" Naruto defended.

Shino twitched... Yumei... The crazy obese girl that always chased him around. For such a large thing, she ran like a football player and tackled even harder. She has long, greasy hair and pink cheeks. She huffed 24/7 from the energy it took to walk around. She was truly a mess. (If you've ever watched _Regular Show, _think of her as muscle man's girlfriend Starla. Cept with long greasy hair and unearthly pale skin with pink blotches,)

"Don't _ever _speak of her!" he said stiffly through his jacket's high neck. He turned and picked up his boxes. "Now if you excuse me, I need to get these to Orochimaru-sensei before Yumei can find me..."

"Yumei? Didn't she transfer?" Sakura asked. Naruto was messing with the snack machine so he didn't hear anything. He was just returning with some Sugar Sweet Bombs while Sakura helped Shino stack his last box, which he was having trouble with.

"Yea, she was supposed to.. I got a tip from Kiba that she's staying here with her aunt.." he turned to go, but ran into a wall of warm blubber. Jiggly, breathing blubber...

"Y-Y-Yumeii..?" Naruto was freaked. Yumei was supposed to transfer to an American school...where all the fat people were! (Nice stereotype, Naruto...real nice...) Ino just stared, unphased by the mound of lard. Apparently she was too pretty to talk to Yumei's type.

"Sheeeenuuuuughh.. Nrrruttooooo.. Hurgh nye tugh see yugh!" Yumei huffed to them. Sakura hid behind her big brother and Naruto thought fast to get out of this situation.

"Uhm well, we'd love to stay and chat but uhm... Sakura and Ino have to meet up with Hinata at main hall! Right Sakura and Ino?" Sakura blinked at him and Ino waved it off. Naruto grabbed both their arms and shot down the hall, leaving Shino alone with Yumei.

"Uh..Yumei I don't have time to chat. I need to get these to Orochimaru-sensei." he bowed stiffly and left a lonely Yumei to part the crowds of teens on her way to the school office.


	3. Secrets Revealed

**Hello Beautiful people! It's me again. Sorry for the late update, I know this story could be better, but between honors classes and family, I haven't had the time to write. I know what you're thinking; She had all spring break to write! But to tell you guys the truth, I was utterly wiped out over Spring Break. I did nothing but sleep and eat and make the occasional poo. So here it is, chapter three of Men In Black: Dattebayo! **

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><p>~~Secrets Revealed~~<p>

"Alright classss, pick up your dissssection toolsss.. We're having a lab!" The class groaned. Not only was Orochimaru- sensei creepy and awkward, he was the science teacher and that meant dissection after dissection. As if cutting open a dead creature was horrid enough, they were the strangest things you'd ever imagine cutting open. Kangaroos, Billy goats, baby pigs, chimps, and even puppies. That's how sick Oro- sensei was…

"Oh God," Ino prayed, "Please don't let it be the puppies this time… Please!" She was near to tears as she prayed to the heavens that she wouldn't have to shave and cut open a poor dead puppy. Where did their crazy teacher get these specimens anyway? Isn't there a law against dissecting kangaroos anyway?

"Calm down Ino-pig! I'm sure it's not puppies." Honestly, Sakura wasn't so certain of it, but Ino's blubbering was almost as bad as peeling open fluffy puppies.

"Ya Ino I'm sure he'll give us something scaly to cut open so we feel good about it!" TenTen happily cut in. Ino sweatdropped and Hinata simply stared at her, not knowing what to say. Sakura finally spoke up.

"Tenny, why…why do you….why are you so…? Eh, nevermind. "

"?. No what were you going to say Saki?"

"Never mind!"

"WELL FINE THEN!"

"_SSSSSTTOP TALKING IN CLASSSSSS! D:" _Intimidated, the bickering girls weighed the wrath of their teacher against the wrath of each other. The libra scales tipped and they figured out which was deadlier.

"Yes Orochimaru- sensei…" the two murmured. Satisfied, Orochimaru turned back to the SmartBoard. In the red colored pen he wrote in capital letters:

AMPHIBIANS

He turned back to the class and rubbed his hands over his lab coat to smoothen it before speaking. "Alright classsss, today we will be disssssecting two sssspecimensss. They are both amphibianssss. If you look to your left you will sssee a disssssecting tray. Lift the paper towel on it and you will find your firssssst sssspecimen."

Sakura and TenTen were labpartners and Ino and Hinata were in another group. None of the others in their group were in this class.

TenTen eagerly pulled the paper towel off the tray, revealing a salamander. "OH SWEET!" she said earning herself another strange look. "What?" Sakura shook her head and grabbed the scalpel. She quickly made a clean cut down the salamander's belly and then used the probes to push the skin aside. Once the red meat was exposed, TenTen used the pins to keep the flaps of skin open so they could freely move around the organs inside.

THWUMP!

"Aw crap.. ORO-SENSEI, HINATA FAINTED AGAIN!"

"Fuuuuuck. Hinata?"

"God dammit! We've done this dozens of times. How can this still be getting to her?"

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><p><em>Study Hall<em>

"Oh hey, TenTen-chan, Sakura- chan!" Naruto greeted. "I hear Hinata- chan fainted in Oro- sensei's class again.."

"Oh hey Naruto. Yea, she did. Believe it or not, she's still passed out. According to Ino, alittle of the salamander's juice got on her."

"Oh that's just rank!"

"Hey guys, what's up?"

"Sup Kiba, Shino, Shikamaru! We were just talking about Hinata- chan.."

"Well she had Orochimaru last period, so that obviously means she fainted. How troublesome." Shikamaru said as he leaned back lazily in his seat. "All last year we did dissections and she still freaks out about it. She can be such a drag sometimes."

"Shika- kun you think everything is troublesome!"

"That is true, but women are the most troublesome things in the world."

"What did you just say….?"

"I'm just sayin' that you guys are so high maintenance that you can be really annoying. Like all of the time." Shikamaru finally realized the look he was receiving from Ino and shrugged and layed his head down to take a nap.

Sakura was too busy making her way to Sasuke with Naruto to notice Shikamaru's sexist comments.

"Oi Teme!"

"Sasuke- kun!"

Sasuke looked up from his book impassively as he was approached. He noticed how lovely Sakura looked today and how utterly annoying Naruto still is. He motioned for them to sit down next to him and greeted them.

"Hey Sasuke, our parents said it's okay for you and Itachi- niisan to come over tonight to watch a movie." Sakura fluttered. She babbled on about how they were going to watch 'Wrath of the Titans' as Naruto agreed with her and added in little bits and details every now and then. Sasuke wasn't listening though; he was too busy transmitting data.

_==Mother base== Come in==_

**Speak, my son.**

_Would you like to see the girl?_

**You might as well. I've been waiting three hundred years to see her.**

_==Transmitting…_

_.._

_.._

Sasuke's sharingan activated, and the chattering siblings were completely oblivious. He intently stared at Sakura as she continued babbling spoilers about the movie they were to watch that night.

**Oh, so you'll be at this girl's home tonight? Interesting. She's quite pretty; you'll have to let me meet her in person sometime.**

_When I am courting her, of course, Mother._

**Well hurry it up. I'm not getting any younger and humans don't last very long. You need to get her here while she's in her prime.**

_Yes, mother._

**Alright then. I'm going to talk to Itachi. Be safe and stop staring at that girl's breasts!**

Sasuke gulped. He turned off his sharingan and decided to listen to the blonde idiot instead of staring at Sakura.

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><p><em><strong>LOLWHUT? Where is the mother planet? What are Sasuke's plans for Sakura? WHY AM I ASKING YOU ALL THESE QUESTIONS? Find out next time in Men in Black: Dattebayo!<strong>_

_**Review Please?**_

_**Love, Tara**_


	4. Good Morning, Kakashi Sensei

**Hey Guys! It's me, Tara! It's been much too long since I have last updated. Yes, I know, but seriously gaiz, it is summer vacation! I just got caught in the moment! Anyways, I was looking through my previous chapters and noticed some…grammatical errors. I need a beta reader really badly. xD**

**But anyways, here's the next chapter of Men in Black: Dattebayo! ;D**

**P.S: Special Thanks to a few very special readers at the end!**

~~Good morning Kakashi-sensei~~

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><p><strong>~~At the Uchiha Mansion~~<strong>

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><p>Sasuke grumbled as he rolled over in bed. He rubbed his nose into his pillow contentedly and sighed as the sun tried to peak through his curtains. He was never much of a morning person; he just wanted to sleep until he felt like getting up. But Itachi would have none of that. Ever since his parents died in that freak hot air balloon accident (it's a lot sadder than it sounds..) Itachi has been striving to raise Sasuke as a successful man and to keep his beloved little brother out of trouble. There was literally nothing Itachi wouldn'tdo for Sasuke.. as long as it didn't involve sexual contact with a guy or even hanging out with a gay guy. Itachi had a bad experience with one when he was in middle school. It wasn't pretty… for the gay guy.<p>

And there was nothing Sasuke wouldn't do for Itachi, with the same exceptions as his older brother. (They were very much alike). So Sasuke decided to surprise his older brother by getting up early and making breakfast himself. He rolled lazily out of bed and went to take a shower. He looked at the clock above his mirror/medicine cabinet as he turned on the shower to warm up the water. Freaking 5:00 in the morning…

He took a quick shower knowing his brother always woke up at 5:30..always..(A/N: NO ROBOT UNICORN ATTACK FOR YOU TODAY ;D).

After stepping out the shower and drying himself and his hair, he reached into his medicine cabinet and pulled out a syringe of baby blue gel like stuff (A/N: Hell, I dunno what it is! You expect me to know everything? D8) and quickly stick it into the purple vein in his wrist. The vein slowly turned from purple to the normal teal like color as he pushed the end of the syringe down, emptying the gel into his blood stream. He sighed in content and tossed the syringe away before departing the bathroom.

He slowly tiptoed past the cherry wood door of his brother's bedroom, but thenn decided to look in and see if he was still asleep. He quietly twisted the crystal doorknob and pushed the door open just enough to look inside. Itachi was sleeping on his back with his arms crossed over his stomach. He looked a lot like a vampire or something of that nature. Sasuke gently closed the door and continued to tiptoe down the hall and down the stairs.

"Alright… Now how am I supposed to do this.." Sasuke mused as his pulled on his brother's favorite apron. It said (in saucy pink letters) "Baby you know you want this beef steak!" and below it a smiley with a moustache winking and holding up a steak on a grill fork. Sasuke honestly found the apron amusing, and Itachi must too because he wore it nearly every day. He even wore it to bed sometimes.

He mumbled to himself as he rummaged through the cabinets. They were stocked with food, but Sasuke had no idea what to do with them. He checked the kitchen clock, which was stuck on the side of a ceramic rooster. (Itachi thought it was 'southern and homey' but Sasuke found it just weird. Itachi had always wanted to go to the southern states of North America.. Maybe Sasuke should schedule a trip there for Itachi's birthday..) It was 5:17 a.m.

"Gah.. well it can't be too hard to make pancakes.." he mused as he pulled down a box of pancake mix. Oh no, Sasuke don't do it!

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><p><strong>~~At the Uzumaki Mansion~~<strong>

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><p>"GOOD MORNING GORGEOUS SISTER THAT I LOOOOOOOOOVE." Naruto initiated the school day as usual; by nearly blasting his baby sister's door off of its hinges.<p>

"Murp." The pink fluff simply rolled over in bed. Naruto raised an eyebrow at her and crossed his eyes over his chest. Unhappy about her not wanting to get up for school, he decided to be a responsible brother and flung himself into the bed with her, effectively making the mattress spring up. With a squeal of surprise, Sakura was flung out of the bed and onto the floor by the momentum of her brother's bed body slam.

"Aw what? Naruto, you tossed me out of bed!" Sakura rubbed her sore butt as she bent her legs to sit on her knees. Naruto was busy wrestling with the blankets he had tangled himself up in (idiot…) and responded,

"Well, thanks for –huff- pointing out the obvi-huffhuff-ous, SakuBuns." He was currently rolling around in the sheets like a complete moron, trying to free himself from the sheets. Sakura walked up to her bed and yanked on the sheets a good time, sending Naruto spinning out of the sheets and onto the floor himself.

"AGH. Ow…." Sakura laughed at him and sauntered into her bathroom to take a shower, while Naruto rolled on the floor in agony. He didn't know how Sakura survived him tossing her on the floor.

"Naruto! Go start breakfast you big baby! It's already like 5:15 a.m.! We're gonna miss the bus!" Sakura howled from behind the bathroom door.

Naruto rubbed the back of his neck and pouted. "I still don't see why we have to ride the stupid nasty bus…" He grumbled to himself as he shuffled out of Sakura's bedroom and down the stairs into the kitchen. He made it and began groping through the cabinets for his industrial sized packs of ramen. He hummed to himself as he looked at the clock between the two kitchen windows.

_"Hmm.. 5:30 a.m. huh? We're up pretty early this morning!" _He then noticed something coming from down the street.

_"Whoa! Is that smoke coming from the Uchi-bastards' house?" _He nearly dropped his ramen as he heard a blood curdling scream come from the same direction. In a panic he screamed upstairs "SAKURA WAKE UP! THE UCHIHA MANSION IS ON FIRE!"

"WHAT?" Sakura was shaking him now, "ARE YOU LYING TO ME, NARUTO- BASTARD?"

"Whoa, Sakura. How'd you get down here so quickly..?"

"NARUTO!"

"I'm not lying! Look out the window!" She turned her head and looked out the window. There was indeed black smoke coming from the windows and the telltale screeches of Itachi wafting through the breeze.

"OH GOD NARUTO, WE HAVE TO GET OVER THERE AND GET MY BAB- I MEAN SASUKE AND ITACHI OUT OF THERE!" She was about to shoot out the door when Naruto caught her arm.

"Oh no You don't!" He said sternly. She looked blankly at him and then screeched at him,

"Naruto this isn't funny! Lemme go!" she tried to yank her arm away, but Naruto has really been working out..

"NOT IN THAT YOU'RE NOT!" He pointed an accusing finger at her, and she realized that she was still in a bath towel. "Now you march upstairs and put on some clothes and meet me at the Uchi-bastards' house! Verstandlich?" Sakura was admittably impressed with his use of German and trudged upstairs to get dressed while Naruto casually walked down the street.

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><p><strong>~~At the Uchiha Mansion~~<strong>

* * *

><p>"OH SWEET MOTHER, SASUKE WHAT DID YOU DO?" Itachi has woken up and ,noticing his brother wasn't in bed for some reason, has come to look for Sasuke, but ended up finding their stove on fire.<p>

"Oh nothing, Onii, I have everything under control!" Sasuke said as he repeatedly swatted at some sort of purple polka dot meat monster that was trying to crawl out the oven with his dish towel.

"It sure as hell doesn't look like nothing! What the hell are you thinking? I haven't taught you how to cook yet, idiot!" Itachi grabbed a skillet that was hanging on the wall and began franticly hitting at the meat monster as well.

"WELL EXCUSE ME FOR TRYING TO BE NICE AND COOK YOU SOME BREAKFAST, ONII-SAN!" Sasuke said as he struggled to keep the monster's meat tentacles from wrapping around his legs.

Itachi paused for a second. "You wanted…to cook..for me..?" He was almost about to tear up until the meat monster ruined the moment by snatching Itachi's skillet away and whacking him a couple times in the throat and stomach with it, until Itachi grabbed it back and stuck the handle into..what he figured was the meat monster's brain.

It obviously was because the creature squealed and flailed it tentacles once more before rolling back into the oven with a greasy _Spurlklt Splurk _noise. However, there was still the fire that was slowly consuming the oven to think about.

Itachi went under the counter and grabbed at the fire extinguisher. When he turned around he bumped into Naruto, who was just standing there like nothing was even happening.

"Naruto? What are you doing here?"

"My sister wanted me to come help you guys," he said taking Itachi's extinguisher. "I mean, I've dealt with kitchen fires many times. I know what to do." He casually put the fire out, effectively coating Sasuke with foam, as he was standing in front of the oven.

Dripping foam, Sasuke turned. "Naruto…you fucking idiot." Naruto just grinned at him.

FLOMP!

"Oh God, Saucy Cakes are you okay? Oh I was so worried I blah blah blah bl-" Sasuke laid on his back while a worried sick Sakura sat on his chest surveying every inch of him to ensure he wasn't hurt in anyway. Sasuke just laid there and let her babble on about how she had seen the smoke and "would've been here sooner but stupid Naruto and my towel.." until Naruto came and lifted her off of Sasuke and onto his back.

"It's already like six o'clock. We should be heading back for breakfast. Sasuke, do us all a favor: leave the cooking to Itachi." Naruto said, leaning his head towards the offending evidence that Sasuke had tried to cook: "You know you want some of this beef steak".

* * *

><p><strong>~~On the busride to Konoha High~~<strong>

* * *

><p>Sakura and her friends were happily babbling away about nothing as the yellow bus rattled down the road. Shikamaru was knocked out on the very last seat of the bus, and Ino was on his lap, causing all the girls to have to move to the back to keep the blonde in the loop. You don't want to know what happened last time Ino was left out the loop.. or do you?<p>

Naruto was making fun of Sasuke's futile attempts to cook for his brother with the rest of the boys on the basketball team. The team included Hyuuga Neji, Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Itachi, Rock Lee, Akimichi Choji (Hey! He lost a lot of weight over the last basketball season!), Subaku Gaara and Kankuro, and the male Akatsuki (a group of seniors that no one knows the last names of.. except Konan, the only girl.). They were all laughing at Sasuke's failure while he and Itachi sat on the same seat trying to avoid clobbering them.

It was strange, really. They had never sat together. Not since elementary. (A/N: _I_ think it's because Itachi was flattered that his little brother cared enough to get out of bed early to destroy the kitchen just to make him happy.) Naruto spread around a rumor that Itachi was just being overprotective and didn't want anyone to bother his "sweet wittle bwother".

Sasuke, however, was trying to explain the whole morning to his Mother Planet. His sharingan was activated, making everyone think he was fuming mad, but he was actually just communicating with her.

==_Come in, Mother Planet. Mother Planet, do you read?==_

**Yes child. Tell me now, what happened this morning?**

==_I tried to cook for dear brother.. It didn't work out so well.._

**==Obviously not, child. Your brother hasn't taught you to cook like a champion yet, so why do you insist on trying to do things on your own?**

_==I just wanted to surprise him, Mother._

**==You're becoming more and more like a human each day! Speed up your courting before you turn completely into one of them.**

_==Yes, Mother.._

**==And what's this about your brother's favorite apron? It is much too suggestive!**

_==And that is the reason he loves it so much, Mother._

**==Sigh.. Nevermind. Where is the girl?**

Sasuke quietly turned his head to look back at Sakura.

_==Transmitting..==_

**==Ah, she's still as pretty as I remember..**

==_Mother, if you do not like humans so much, why do you let me court this one?_

**==Our species is a dying one, Garbolt. Humans are the only species left in the universe that we could possibly attempt to mate with. I don't want to have this conversation again. Good luck, my son.**

_==Thank you mother. Ending transmition==_

Sasuke sighed. He was truly glad that he really did like Sakura enough to court her.

* * *

><p><strong>~~Homeroom~~<strong>

* * *

><p>"Oi, Sakura! Where's the teach? It's already like ten o'clock! Homeroom ends in ten minutes." Narutosaid as he leaned his chair on it's back two legs. He was smacking on some purple gum and flinging paper footballs into a sleeping Shikamaru's head as Ino found picking the paper out a reason to play in his hair. Win Win right? Naruto isn't as bored as he was and Ino gets to grope Shika's scalp.

"I dunno Naruto. Just entertain yourself.." her nose was in a book, and the younger Uchiha beside he was flipping through a motorcycle magazine.

"Mmkay." He flung one of he paper footballs at her forehead and it bounced off of the center of it and into her book. (A/N: You thought I was gonna say bra? Pervs.)

"Agh, Naruto! Not at me!" she huffed and laid her book down to nap on it. She had just entered a deep sleep when a silver haired man casually walked into the doorway. He surveyed the room: Rock Lee and Kankuro were wrestling in the back. Neji and TenTen were making out. Gaara was playing poker with Temari, Hinata was napping on Naruto's shoulder while he flung paper into Shikamaru's hair. Ino was…being Ino. Sasuke was reading a magaizine, a bunch of random teens were having a dance party, and Shikamaru was out cold, and Sakura was drooling all over a copy of "The Count of Monte Cristo". Normal day.

He strolled in front of his desk and cleared his throat, effectively putting every person in his or her desk, except Sakura who was still drooling on her book. Sasuke was just watching her with an amused look.

"Well hi, guys! Sorry I'm late. I ran into this lady, right? Well she had this chicken and she needed help getting it-"

"AW WHATEVER, KAKASHI. We're not freshman anymore!" Naruto paused in his rant to blow a bubble with his gum before popping it and continuing, "We all know you slept in late. We have a tape from last year to prove that's all you do every morning." The class grumbled in agreement.

Kakashi stared for a moment and started, "Well ,since you're all such smart asses, you can take these pop quizzes with you! Except you Sakura. You're knocked out, which I appreciated. One less mouth to listen to."

The class groaned and Sakura just snored.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh God, another transmission! Why is Sasuke so horrible at cooking? Since when do stores sell industrial sized ramen? Why is Ino such a perv to Shikamaru? What's up with Itachi and his apron? AGAIN, WHY AM I ASKING YOU, DEAR READER, ALL THESE QUESTIONS? Stay tuned to find out!<strong>

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><p><strong>Well, that's chapter four! I made it extra long just for you! Yes, you, lovey dove. (its over 2,000 words!) Anyways, R&amp;R as usual. I also want to thank Ladyrouge214 for putting me in her community, BellsOnMyToes, crowlady, LadyMartel4000, Pink Lady410, and .Alice.x3 for putting me on story alert, and fangirl10045, and professionalVamp for favoriting me! Thanks for all the support!<strong>


	5. I am MIGHT GUY

**Hey beautiful people! It's Tara again! If you've read the updates and news flashes on my profile, you'd know that I was gonna update on the 29****th****, buuuut ended up losing all my progress on this chapter. Herp. Anyways, here's the new chapter! Also, I've got some stuff to clear up with a few readers:**

** GuestSara: **_Well, I figured I would reiterate Sasuke's terrible cooking skills by turning a nice, safe box of pancake mix into a drooling polka dot meat monster. I mean, what better way to show someone has absolutely no cooking skills by turning a grain into a meat? Besides, I didn't know how to make pancake mix into a monster. I just couldn't put together how it would look._

_**Anyone else have some questions? Why not review! ~waggles arms~**_

_~~Also, this chapter takes place right after homeroom (Kakashi's class), so don't get all confused about it. _

_Onwards, with the story!_

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><p><strong>Chapter 5: I am MIGHT GUY!<strong>

* * *

><p>"Ugh, how come Forehead doesn't have to carry around these heavy pop quizzes? They have to be, like, twenty pounds!" Ino complained as she juggled around all her luggage. She was having trouble with it all, walking in heels and all.<p>

Naruto rolled his eyes at her. "Oh _yeah, _Ino. It's just so hard to leave your makeup bag, hair bag, manicure bag, moisturizer bag, JUST so you can carry around a fifty question quiz." He blew a bubble with his purple gum before finishing, "If I were you, I'd just _die._"

Ino huffed at him and hoisted her bags up on her person once more. "Of course it's necessary! I try to make myself decent in public, unlike _you. _And besides, at least I actually bring a backpack to school…"

"That you fill up with cosmetics and Tahitian lotions. If I brought a book bag to school, I'd actually put _books_ in it." He chewed on his gum in a victorious fashion.

"Oh _sure _you would! And _I'm _not gonna eat a double cheeseburger for lunch. And who the hell says _book bag _anymore?" The argument continued on, back and forth, as the group walked down the hall towards gym class. All the non-blondes stayed to the backs of the two, since they figured it best not to get in a Blonde Fight.

"Oh hey, Guys! Wait up,hey!" Shino ran up carrying another box with tiny holes drilled in it. He slowed to a slight jog as he came up beside Shikamaru. "Oh hey Shikamaru-san, Sakura-san, seems your blonde bimbos are at it again. It's only the second day of classes and they're already at each other's throats. When will it stop, eh?"

"Pfft."

"Classic Shikamaru. Hey Sasuke, I got those specimens you asked me for." He handed the cardboard box to the raven haired boy. Sasuke simply nodded and gave Shino a small glass box with something colorful in it. Curious, Sakura leaned over to look at the box. Inside was a large Monarch butterfly pinned to cork. She cringed.

"Aw poor thing.. How could you Sasuke! Shino, why would you need something like that?"

"Don't get your panties all in a knot, Sakura. It's a plastic butterfly made by a master insect sculptor from Lithuania. I'm not one to kill insects; I love them too much." He put the box into one of the front pockets of his high collared jacket. "Well, I guess I'll be going. I have Spanish next-"

"Aghhh Sheeenuuughhh!"

"Oh dear Kami, not her. And I thought I'd at least get through the week without this.." Shino ran off around the corner heading towards the foreign language hall with a giant ball of jiggling blubber trailing after him as fast as its knobbly legs could carry it.

"SHEEENUUUGH! DUUNGH RUNGH! SHEEEENUUUGH!"

_THWOMP! THWOMP! THWOMP! THWOMP! THWOMP! Thwomp! Thwomp. Thwomp. _You couldn't hear her jogging down the hall anymore, but the vibrations were still there.

"Well then, how about we get to gym before Guy starts with his 'YOUTH_ IS NEVER LATE! TEN LAPS AROOOOUND THE GYM! LET'S GOO!' _thing he does when we're late."Naruto suggested.

"Wow, NaruBear. That's like, the smartest thing you've said since… That may be one of the only smart things you've said.."

* * *

><p><strong>Gym<strong>

* * *

><p>The gym was a magnificent sight. Polished oak floors gleamed with fresh wax. Pristine white walls reflected light from the twenty two windows that were placed around the dome of the gym. The dome itself, painted a deep navy blue. Rows of bleachers wrapped around the gym, stopping only at the two double doored entrances. A giant black score board in the shape of a triangular prism hung from the ceiling. A mega screen was on each side of the prism, with 'Home Team' on the left of the screen and 'Away Team' on the right. Giant speakers were mounted on our corners above the rectangle that made up the basketball court, which was professional sized. Each of the basketball goals had a glass backboard. The gym was big enough to fit about 25,000 people. The beauty of the gym was almost enough compensation for the overzealous coaches.. <em>Almost.<em>

"YEEEEE-LLOOOOOOOO, YOUTHFUL STUDENTS! MY. NAME. IS. MIGHT GUY! I AM YOUR GYM TEACHER ON THIS YOUTHFUL YEAR!" The shiny bowl cut swirled around to a manly pose: right foot on the back of a giant tortoise, left thumb up, right hand youthfully placed on the right hip, and glinting smile flashing all the students and blinding them.

The only way to avoid being blinded is being late. And if you're late, you'd wish you'd been blinded. Luckily for our favorite characters, they had been blinded.

"ALRIGHT-IO! LEE, RUN THE NEWBIES ON THE GYM EXPECTATIONS!" Lee then stood at attention from the bleachers and marched up in front of about 100 pairs of eyes.

"I AM ROCK LEE! I WILL BE ASSISSTING GUY-SENSEI IN SHOWING YOU ALL THE JOYS OF BEING YOUTHFUL! IN THIS COURSE, YOU WILL RUN, SWEAT, POSSIBLY BLEED, BUT THERE IS A FIRST CLASS NURSE IN THIS SCHOOL." He paused for a second, wondering if he should've said that last part before continuing, "BUT IF YOU ARE INDEED LUCKY ENOUGH TO PASS THIS CLASS, YOU WILL PASS A CHAMPION!"

Naruto smacked on his gum. "Ugh, we know this already. We're sophomores for ramen's sake." He was leaning casually on the bleachers above him, completely ignoring the drools and yearning looks of the various girls infatuated with him, some whom had been rejected by Sasuke, and some who just kept looking between him and Sasuke as if they couldn't make up their minds of who to chase. Should I chase the tanned Blonde or the mysterious Raven?

Sakura was skooched up next to Sasuke as he played a game of travel chess with Shikamaru. Sasuke had only beaten Shikamaru eight times out of the 2,341 times they had played. Shikamaru was quite the player.

Ino was peeking over Shikamaru's shoulder during the game, completely bored. She wasn't much of the 'boardgame' type. And apparently, neither was Naruto. He had pulled out a 3DS and started taking random pictures of Hinata and jacking them up with the special effects, while Hinata just stared at him.

After all the new students were orientated, the training began. Girls paired with girls and boys paired with boys for sparring. Naruto and Sasuke were paired, Shikamaru and Lee, Shino and Kiba, Sakura and Karin, Ino and Ami, Hinata and TenTen, and a bunch of random people.

"Well, Forehead, are you ready to get your ass handed to you?" Karin crossed her arms over her oversized boobs and smirked smugly from behind her broad rimmed glasses. To any random person, she actually didn't look half bad. Pretty actually. She had nice legs and curves, but she was crazy as fuck. And obsessed with Sasuke.

"Jeez Karin, we go through this every year. You trash talk and I kick your ass. Let's just get this over with so I can get my grade and go take a nap."

"Oh, like you did in home room? I've never seen a pig slobber so much on a book. What does Sasuke see in you anyway?" she pushed her glasses up her nose and let out a growl. "And what makes you think you'll beat me this time?"

"The fact that I've already beaten you twelve times, and it will be thirteen today." Sakura reached into her bra and pulled out a piece of purple gum that Naruto had given her and popped it into her mouth.

"Don't get so comfortable! I've been taking martial arts classes over the summer! I'm a blackbelt now." Karin bragged.

"Oh really? I've been a black belt for about seven years now." Sakura said as she smacked on her gum much like her brother would.

"Well, I got mine in two months!"

"Oh, did you earn it or did your _daddy _buy it for you?"

Before Karin could answer, Guy whacked the large golden gong at the other side of the gum, signaling the start of the sparring session. Sakura quickly sprang forth, hoping to get this over with as quickly as possible. She balled her fist in order to punch Karin in the gut and make her spit up her lunch, but Karin managed to dodge out of the way and throw a punch of her own.

"Ne?" Sakura grabbed Karin's fist and pulled the redhead's arm around behind her, grabbing her wrist and forcing Karin to punch herself. "Oooooh, Karin, you're so stupid. Why are you hitting yourself? Huh? Huh? Huh?"

Guy rang the gong again. "Alright, alright, Sakura, you've won. But at least Karin actually put up a fight this time…" Sakura released Karin and sauntered to the bleachers to take her nap.

* * *

><p><strong>Well jeez guys. I read over my last two attempts at writing this story, and I've gotta say: they were…just.. bleh. I can't believe I actually wrote that junk. Why didn't you guys say anything? Jeez. Anyways, I found out that my old user names were 'IxISaki-chanIxI' and 'Sakura of the konoha'. Blarg. Horrible name, that last one. You guys don't have to worry about this story being as bad as the last two, but if you want to see my failure, here are the links:<strong>

**Very first MIB:D! **

** s/4078992/1/bMen_b_in_bBlack_b_Dattebayo**

**Second MIB:D! **

** s/4532291/1/Men_in_Black_Dattebayo**


	6. The Akatsuki

**Hello my lovelies! I've missed you so much… It's time for another update of your favorite Naruto Sci-Fi thriller: Men in Black: Dattebayo! This is Tara with your chapter update...**

**Replies to reviews:**

** Guest Sarah: **_Thank you for your kind words! Just for you, I'm making this chapter extra super long. (At least I'll try my best XP). But still, I'm going to try to make it at least close to 3,000 words. Thanks to MS Word, I can count have many words I've written..._

**I think it's time I tell you guys that haven't read my profile that **_**SCHOOL FOR ME STARTS AUGUST 10, 2012.**_** I am so sorry about this but I can do nothing about it. I'm going to be awfully busy after August ends (The first and last months of the year are pretty easy. Just tests to see how much you know and how much you've learned.) But I promise to keep my updates up! Now without further ado, I give you Chapter Six of Men in Black: Dattebayo!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Six: The Akatsuki<strong>

**(Note: we're still in Gym Class!)**

* * *

><p>Sparring had officially ended for Sakura who was still on the bleachers napping peacefully. Karin had been sent to the nurse went multiple "Punchies" bruises on her face. Now Guy- sensei was busy trying to pry apart Naruto and Sasuke, who had once again tried to kill each other. Shikamaru had already beaten Lee, and was napping next to Sakura.<p>

"GAH!" Kiba performed a solid cartwheel as he avoided an assault from Shino once more.

_ Ugh, dammit! How does he move so quickly with that heavy coat on all the time? It doesn't make sense!_

Shino chuckled to himself, knowing that he had placed a mind reading robot-ant on Kiba while throwing a barrage of punches. Kiba knew the Aburame clan was famous for its sneaky "Fly on the Wall" robots. He knew every move Kiba was going to make.

_Maybe if I do a backflip and project myself off of the wall behind me..._

Kiba performed a back flip as Shino came up close, planting his feet on the wall and then launching himself, but Shino was a step ahead of him.

Shino sidestepped and then as Kiba was flying by he landed a punch on the right side of his back, knocking Kiba on the ground.

"MATCH OVER! WINNER: SHINO ABURAME!" Guy shouted as he held Naruto in a headlock and Sasuke on the ground with his right foot on the Uchiha's neck.

Shikamaru and Sakura were still snoring through it all...

Ino threw a punch at Ami, who ducked and ran to the left. Ami tried to sweep a foot under Ino to knock the blonde down, but Ino jumped back and then sped towards Ami, fist raised. The dark haired girl side stepped Ino and pushed her forward, making Ino fall down and roll into a somersault. Ino came back on her feet but was knocked back down by Ami's fist.

"You think you're so great, huh?" _Punch! _ "I told you you're nothing without me!" _Punch, punch, punch! _"You should've never left the clique, you blonde skank!" _Punch, Punch, Punch! _

The blows kept landing, but no one noticed. Sasuke had insulted Naruto, who had flared up, causing Lee to have to run and help Guy-Sensei. All the other students were either still sparring or in the nurse's office, except Shikamaru and Sakura, who were asleep.

"OW! Ami you slut, stop!" _Punch, punch!_

"How dare you? If anyone's a slut, it's you! How dare you leave me for that pink haired bitch? I _own _you! I made you who you are!" _Punch!_

"Someone please, HELP!"

"Huh, what? Oh, man!" Sakura had stirred at the commotion going on. In all her years of sparring, he hadn't heard anyone call for help. That woke her up. She saw Ino being assaulted by Ami, who was furiously punching her in her face, chest, and gut.

"INO!" Sakura ran towards the two girls, but Ami's gang got in the way. Narume Akasuta and Hijira Namaki blocked her. "Get out of the way, you assholes! I won't let that tramp keep hurting my friend!" Sakura bulldozed through the two girls and towards Ino and Ami, but as she got close the girls tackled her, holding her on the floor. Sakura squirmed, "Let me GO!"

"Hey hey, now! Cat fight!"

Sakura looked up from under the girls that held her and saw a smirking Deidara walking towards her.

"Hey what's up Cute Stuff? You look like you're in quite the pickle." He called towards the double doors of the gym that led to the basketball court outside, "Hey guys, we got a catfight here!"

Hidan, Suigetsu, Pein, Tobi, Itachi, and Sasori waltzed gracefully into the gym with their long, basketball legs.

"Oh, look who the fuck it is! It's Pink Stuff!" Who else but Hidan would have a greeting like that? He led the rest in as they bid their hellos to their favorite pink fluff.

"Hiya Short Stuff!" Suigetsu said as he took a good look at her. "You don't look so good today..."

"Sweet Stuff, hey!" Pein greeted cheerfully. His team must've won the practice game, or he wouldn't be this chipper. "Fancy some help?"

Tobi rounded from behind Pein as he ran up towards Sakura. "Fluffy Stuff!" He motioned for Pein to follow him. "Let's get these unattractive women off of Fluffy like good boys, Pein!"

"Cuddle Stuff, what are you doing?" Not a very characteristic nickname... At least not coming from Sasori.

"What's going on here, Sakura?" (A/N: Leave it to Itachi to ruin nicknames.)

Tobi and Pein pulled the two girls off of Sakura while Hidan pried Ami off of Ino and tried to pass her to Sasori. "Egk, this little skank. You take her."

"No. I hate her guts." Was Sasori's simple rejection. So Hidan just dropped her. A steep six foot drop to the floor.

"OOF! Hey, you asshole, watch what you're doing!" Ami screeched. Hidan ignored her and helped up Sakura and while Itachi went and calmed down Sasuke.

Naruto was huffing in a corner trying to cool himself down, while Sasuke's ears burned crimson red. Guy-sensei was flustered at his mistake that no teacher, not even Genma-sensei would ever make: put Sasuke and Naruto together as partners in anything.

"I can't trust you on your own, can I Sasuke? You're always getting into trouble." Itachi said coolly. He pulled out a piece of blue mint gum and popped it into his mouth. (A/N: These guys sure do love their gum...) "I'll take it from here Guy-Sensei."

Guy took his foot from Sasuke's neck and released Naruto. In a huff, the blonde went to sit on the bleachers to himself, like he always did after a fight with Sasuke, but noticed the male Akatsuki standing over a bleeding Ino. "Oh jeez, what happened?" he ran towards the commotion and wedged himself towards Sakura. All the other students had completed their sparring. Hinata and TenTen were running towards the crowd after finishing their spar.

Deidara helped Ino up. "Jeez sis, I just can't leave you alone without someone trying to kill you." He slung her arm over his shoulder to keep her steady. Her face was covered in large purple bruises and bumps and her lip was bleeding. She held her stomach and breathed heavily from Ami's blows.

Sakura marched towards Ami and picked her up by her collar, hissing violently, "If we weren't in public right now," she shook the dark haired girl for emphasis, "I'd _murderize _you now. You better hope I don't catch you and your clique outside school grounds." She dropped Ami, who fell back on the floor. Beating on Ino was one thing, but Sakura was an entirely different story. Every member if the Akatsuki saw Sakura as their baby sister, especially Itachi. She also knew that Naruto, the school jock, was Sakura's older brother, and it was a well-known fact that Sasuke had a thing for the pinkette.

_Grr... I'll get her one of these days... I'll get her. And sweet Sasuke-kun. _Ami thought to herself as she slunk away from the scene. She ran down the hall and into an empty classroom to hide room the heat. _She and that skank Ino will pay. I don't care who they know._

* * *

><p>Nurse's Office<p>

* * *

><p>"Is she going to be okay? I'm so worried!"<p>

"Calm down Miss Haruno, your friend will be fine. She's got a lot of bumps and bruises, a particularly nasty one on her abdomen, but nothing is broken. She'll be fine in a couple of weeks." Shizune said. She pulled off her pair of latex gloves and tossed them into a wastecan. "All she needs is alittle TLC and rest."

"Thank goodness." Deidara was leaning lazily on the doorframe leading into the office, twirling a red lollipop between his fingers. He popped the lolli into his mouth before walking forward to sit on the bed next to Ino. "You gave us all a scare, sis."

Ino huffed. "That bitch Ami. How dare she claim that she owns me! My daddy will hear about this, and she'll be hearing from my lawyer!" she rubbed her tummy and pouted. "How dare she? How dare she?.."

Sakura put a comforting hand on the blonde's shoulder. "We've all got your back Ino-pig. That witch won't get away with this." She gave her friend a comforting hug.

"INO-CHAN, INO-CHAN!" Naruto came crashing through the door and flung himself on an unsuspecting Ino. "Ino-chan, I was so worried! Tsunade-Baa wouldn't let me in so I snuck past just to see you!" He gave her a bone breakingly tight hug.

"HEY HEY HEY! Can't you see Sis is hurt real bad? Get offa her!" Deidara yanked Naruto off of Ino. Naruto gave him a confused look as he steadied himself beside the examination bed.

"Hey Ponytail, I didn't know Ino was your sister." Deidara cast the biggest blonde in the room a dirty look while Sakura giggled at her brother.

"He's not her brother, Naruto! At least not by blood."

"Whaddaya mean? You can't have a brother if it's not by blood." He took a seat on an uncomfortable chair and spat his flavorless gum into the trash can beside him. "I mean..that is true right?"

"No we're not related by blood, dumbass. Don't you remember?"

_Two years Before._

_ Deidara was casually walking down the hall with Sasori in tow. They were headed towards Foreign Language hall, and rounded a corner when suddenly-_

_ "OOF. Hey, watch where you're going dildo head!" Some short, yellow.. _thing _was screeching at him to get his eyes checked and telling him how stupid he was. He was just about to tell the whore off when a pink fluff skipped up behind her, clasping her hand over the yellow thing's mouth and apologizing a billion times for her 'idiot blonde friend'. He rose an eyebrow at the pair when Sasori piped up._

_ "Oh hey, you're that Pinky that Itachi told us about. Hey, he wasn't lying about your hair being pink." The redhead waltzed around Deidara to hold his hand out to the pinkette. "I'm Sasori. Itachi is a really good friend of mine." The pink fluff took the hand happily._

_ "Hi, I'm Sakura Haruno! I'll be entering Konoha High next year! Any friend of Itachi-nii's is a friend of mine!" she released the blonde girl beside her who had finally calmed down. "And this is my blonde bimbo friend, Ino. I'm sorry for her rudeness-" a huff from Ino, "she can't help being a diva."_

_ "I'm gonna call you Cuddle Stuff, Pinky. You're a lot more snuggable than your little friend here." He paused for a second and took a good look at Ino. "Well, well, well! Don't you look like a certain ponytailed basketball player!" _

_ "What? No way. I'm way hotter than this bimbo!" _

_ "Nah man. She looks like she could be your sister. Your mom has so 'splaining to do."_

_ "Please." And with that, Deidara walked off, with the picture of a certain similar looking blondie stuck in his memory, forever labeled as "that chick that Sasori thinks is my sister."._

_End Flashback_

"Ohhh yeah, I remember that! Sasori wouldn't stop teasing you about your 'long lost sister' you found." Naruto was holding his stomach and laughing. "You guys used to get into fights in the middle of class –ahaha- and creepy Oro-sensei would give you both detention –hahaha- and you'd have to spend your Fridays in the lab with all those creepy snakes!"

Deidara threw a roll of gauze at Naruto. "Blonde Idiot."

"Eh, DeiDei Bear, I don't think calling him a blonde is much of an insult coming from you.. cause ya' know, you're a blonde too." Sakura pointed out. "Hey Naruto, gimme a piece of gum." Naruto tossed her a piece and she popped it into her mouth. "He could just say, 'Hey! You're blonde too, dummy!' or something like that."

* * *

><p>Last Class<p>

* * *

><p>"Alright classssss, today we're learning about cellsssss." The class groaned. Cells were things that no student took seriously. It was a boring subject; who cared about cells? It was in the lesson plans every year. But cells were Orochimaru's favorite topic. Everyone thought it had to do with Orochimaru's love of the Uchihas. A certain <em>cell <em>male's body in which he could put a certain part into.

"Now, what'ssss in a cell? Can anyone tell me an organelle that can be found in an animal cell?" Snake like eyes scanned the room, finding no hands raised. His eyes landed on one of his favorite students, Uchiha Sasuke. "Ssssasssuke?"

Sasuke jumped and stopped playing in Sakura's hair to look at Orochimaru, whos eyes were narrowed at the two. Sakura had done nothing wrong. She was looking through last year's notes on cells, but Orochimaru didn't exactly like her.

"What issss an organelle in an animal cell..Sssassuke?" Orochimaru asked again. He lowered his teacher's edition science book in an intimidating way.

"The nucleus?" Sasuke gave him a questioning look that said 'Just stop staring at me like that". All the other students (except Shikamaru, who was asleep) were turned in their seats staring at the two as well, wondering why Oro-sensei was giving them that look. Sasuke just shrugged and returned to playing in Sakura's hair.

"Correct. No playing in my classss, Mr. Uchiha." He turned stiffly to the smart board and began doodling an animal cell and a plant cell, asking students to name each part he was drawing.

Naruto leaned on the back two legs of his chair. He blew a purple bubble and looked around, bored out of his mind. Ino was not next to Shikamaru, which was the only reason he was able to sleep. He tried to listen to Orochimaru's lesson, knowing that if he didn't pass science he'd fail again and Sakura would be a grade ahead. _Ugh, that lisp. _he thought to himself. _Just stop it with that lisp and maybe I could listen to you teach.._

Hinata was deligently taking notes beside him. She looked up at him and saw his frustration. "Uhm.. Naruto-kun.. Uhm.. Why don't you just pretend his is a snake teaching you about cells? Like a real snake..uhm..then maybe his lisp wouldn't seem so..bad?"

Naruto looked over at her with a surprise look that slowly melted into a grin. "Hey Hinata-chan," he half whispered, "that's a pretty good idea! I'll try it." He squinted at Orochimaru, trying to ffocus on changing him into a snake. He imagined the long, greasy looking black locks turning into his body, and his white face elongated into the snout of a snake.

"Now, cellsssss are the building blocksss of every living thing in the world.."

Naruto couldn't believe his eyes. A snake teaching the class was much more entertaining than regular, creepy old Oro-sensei. He could actually pay attention now! He took out a pencil and some paper and began scribbling down notes..

_==Mother Base==… ==Come in, Mother Base==_

**Speak, my son.**

_==I got in a bit of a scuffle with Naruto again.==_

**I can't trust you with that blonde **

_==Yes you can, Mother. I apologize, but he gets rather competitive.==_

**I suppose. Are you hurt?**

_==No, I'm fine.==_

**And Itachi?**

_==He's even better.==_

**Well.. Thank you for keeping me in the loop. Ending transmission.**

_==Yes Mother. Goodbye.==_

"SSSSASSSUKE." Sasuke was knocked out of his communication by a blistering furious Orochimaru. "Are you even lisssstening?"

"Uhm. To be honest, no." The class giggled. Naruto turned around in his seat to look back at them. _What are you doing? _He asked silently.

_Nothing important. _Was his silent reply. Naruto raised an eyebrow at him and turned back around. Sakura had stopped taking notes to watch the interaction. Orochimaru had called Sasuke for a good half a minute, and Sasuke hadn't responded. His eyes were glazed red and he seemed like..he was on an entirely different planet. (A/N: oooh, irony.)

"Ssssassuke. Meet me after classs."

"Aw what? I didn't do anything to stay after class." Was Sasuke's rebuttle.

"That'sssss detention!" Orochimaru hissed at him.

"Orochimaru-sensei that's not fair! Sasuke didn't do anything!" Sakura defended.

"Oh, you want detention too, Missssssss Haruno? Fine then, you've got it!" Orochimaru screeched at her.

"Hey! You can't-"

"Yesss I can!"

Naruto got up at that. "ORO-SENSEI, YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR. EVERYONE KNOWS YOU ONLY GAVE SASUKE DETENTION BECAUSE YOU WANT HIS BUNS!" he pointed an accusing finger at the older snake man. "BUT YOU'VE GOT SOME SERIOUS PROBLEMS IF YOU THINK I'M LEAVING MY BABY SISTER IN HERE ALONE WITH YOU, PERVERT!"

"FINE THEN! ALL OF YOU, DETENTION!" the bell rang and all but three students shot out of the classroom. "Leave now, you'll serve your detentions on Friday. Get out of my sight!"

The three sulked out of the room, but Naruto hung back for a second. "Don't think Tsunade-Baa won't hear about this, you sicko. You aren't going near any of our asses!"

* * *

><p><strong>Well, that was chapter six. Didja miss me? Hurr hurr. Ami was pretty brutal to Ino. What's this about owning her? What is going on with those two? And Naruto already failed a grade? How is Hinata's father allowing his daughter to snuggle a delinquent? And Oro-sensei's detention may be the end of our favorite charecters! What's Itachi gonna say when he finds out Sasuke has detention with the most perverted teacher ever, and what's the beef between Naruto and Orochimaru? Find out in the next chapters! Yaaaay!<strong>

**Love, Tara**


	7. The Mother Planet

**Sup guys! I told you I'd update even though school has started once again! Ugh, it was so freaking bad, let me tell you. I'm in AP classes and they just completely jacked all of our schedules up. I'm in the classes with all the dumbbells. Blargh. Anyway, onto answering reviews! From my most loyal reviewer:**

** GuestSarah: **_Pfft, I dunno why they would start it on Friday. Honestly, I think it's stupid too. I guess they wanted school to end on a certain day or some dumb bull like that. Thank you for all your positive feedback! You truly are my most loyal reviewer._

**Well now that we've met the Akatsuki, I think it's time for us to travel to the Mother Planet, don't you? On with the craziness! The all new chapter of Men in Black:Dattebayo!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7: The Mother Planet<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>(Note: Just to make this chapter a little more authentic, I made all the dialogue in German. Don't worry, if you don't feel like using google translate, I'll translate it all at the end of the chapter, however, I find it a little more..German-y if I make the words German. So there you go.)<strong>

_ "Mutter! Vater! Beeilen Sie sich, bevor die Leitung zu lang wird!" a dark-haired boy around the age of seven nearly dragged his older brother behind him as he weaved his way through the crowds of Oktoberfest. His parents walked briskly behind the two to keep tabs on their sons in the hustle and bustle of drunken men and short dirndls. "Wir haben zu reiten, wir haben nur zu!" _

_ "Verlangsamen Sie jetzt, Sasucake!" his mother called after him, "Du wirst dich verletzen!" Her husband's blank expression did not change as they careened through the people and finally into a line of about five people, including her two sons. _

_ Sasuke bounced up and down in delighted excitement as he stared up at the huge colorful display of the hot air balloon. Itachi stood next to him, excited as well albeit less energetic about it. They all watched as the couple in front of them ascended in the hot air balloon. They floated through the air, up against the clouds like the balloon was weightless._

_ The boy watched in awe as the diamond patterned balloon bobbed up and down in the air as the driver releases heat into the balloon and then closed off the fire. It was a beautiful scene to watch as the thick white clouds rolled by and majestic black birds floated on the breeze._

_ "Blicken Sie nicht lange und die Augen springt heraus." Itachi teased. Sasuke huffed at him as the balloon finally lowered. He was much to excited to even offer a smart comeback to his brother. The family stepped forward to get on the balloon, but the driver stopped them._

_ "Sorry Leute. Dieser Ballon, kann nur drei Personen. Nur zwei von euch vielleicht in einer Zeit, zu gehen." He explained. Sasuke was about to drag Itachi into the balloon when Fugaku pulled his collar back._

_ "Hold on, Jungs. Deine Mutter und ich werde zuerst gehen, um sicherzustellen, es ist sicher, bevor Sie auf eigene Faust zwei gehen." _

_ Sasuke complained to him. "Ich kann nicht länger warten, Vater! Bitte lassen Sie uns zuerst gehen!". _

_ Fugaku shook his head. "Nein Sasuke. Sie werden warten, bis wir es sicher für Sie und Ihr Bruder halten."_

…

_"MUTTER! VATER! NEIN, bitte wach auf!" Sasuke shook his mother's lifeless shoulder. The tattered remains of the balloon lay in the West side of the open field, burning. Suddenly, Sasuke was yanked from his mother's body by a frantic Itachi. _

"MOTHER!" Sasuke sat up in a cold sweat. His Egyptian cotton sheets were strewn all over the king sized bed he sat in. A concerned Itachi opened the door as quietly as possible.

"Sasuke? Do you have another headache or something?" He poked his head from behind the door. Sasuke wasn;t holding his head in his hands so Itachi deemed it safe to waltz into the room with his elegant walk.

"Itachi? Agh, Itachi.. I had the dream again.." Sasuke rolled over onto his left side. "I saw them. I saw it happen again.." He sat up and rubbed his temples.

"Oh, that." Itachi came to sit beside his younger brother and wrapped an arm around his shoulder to shake him a little. "That happened over two hundred years ago. They're in a better place, you know."

Sasuke sighed in depression. "I know, but I wish I could get it out of my head." He hung his legs over the sides of his bed. "Gah, Ita-san." He got up and headed toward the shower.

* * *

><p>At the Uzumaki Household<p>

* * *

><p>"SAKURA! SAKURA! LITTLE SIS!" Naruto started off his sister's day as usual. By nearly blasting her door off of its hinges. Honestly, doesn't he get tired of having to fix that thing every morning?<p>

"Mmpphh.. Good morning Naruto!" She rolled over in her bed and swung her legs from beneath her blankets. "It's such a nice morning!" she stretched out her legs and arms and padded into her bathroom while Naruto shot down the stairs to cook ramen.

The water was hot to wake her up. She scrubbed with a bath pouf and shower gel and giggled as the soapy bubbles tickled her on their way down the drain. She hummed softly to herself as she shampooed and then rinsed herself free of the suds. She leapt gracefully out of the shower and into a bathrobe to dry her hair.

"Hmm.. Now how do I work this thing?" she mumbled to herself while turning her new ionic blow dryer over in her palms. "Oh! Here's the On button!" She pushed the button up to the on position and began waving the dryer around her head.

_"HURRY UP SLOWASS THE RAMEN IS GETTING COOOOOLD!" _

Sakura finished up and pulled on a plaid skirt and a dress shirt. She grabbed her sleeveless sweater and rand down her hall and down the flight of stairs, skidding around a corner and finally stopping in the kitchen. She sat next to Naruto on a stool beside the kitchen island and began slurping down her ramen.

"Humh.. It shudues take yough a lung tim to get readeh." Naruto said between scarfing down his ramen. He turned up his bowl and nearly inhaled the broth before slamming his bowl down and sighing in content.

"You should stop talking with your mouth full. You'll choke." She lifted her noodles to her mouth with her chopsticks. She looked up from her bowl as his landed on the black marble with a clatter. "I guess I spoke a little too late. Ah well, I took those emergency classes over the summer. You'll be alright even if you do choke."

"Damn right I will!" He grabbed his and her bowls and tossed them into the dishwasher and started it up. "Hey what time is it?"

She tilted her head to the left to check out the rooster shaped clock. "It's about.. Half after seven. Hey, why'd you get me up so early anyways?"

Naruto raised an eyebrow at her. "Pfft. Don't you remember? Oro-sensei gave us all detention to serve this afternoon." He poured some coffee into his favorite mug, an orange and black tall hot chocolate mug with a happy pumpkin on the side of it. He placed the pot back on the heating plate of the coffee maker and sat back down at the kitchen island while slurping on his drink.

"So? That's this afternoon. Why didn't you bring me any..?" she pouted.

"Well duh, if I have detention this afternoon that means I have to have morning basketball practice. You know our game against Oregako High is on Monday night. And go get your own, jeez. I already woke you up this morning, do something yourself for once." He put a teaspoon of sugar and crème into his coffee and pointed his spoon accusingly at her. "You're gonna get fat being this lazy, ya know." He stirred his drink and checked the rooster clock, ignoring the dirty look from his sister. "Oh hey! If you want coffee, you'd better put it in a thermos," he walked to the cabinet and pulled out two thermoses, "it's about 7:45. I need to be at the gym at five after." He poured his coffee into a thermos and turned to grab his keys.

"Yea. Whatever." She walked up to the coffee pot to start preparing her coffee. "Why can't I ride the bus?" she said, adding a couple heaping teaspoons of sugar to the drink container.

"Because," the blonde said on his way out the door, "I don't trust anyone with my baby sister." And with that, he walked out the kitchen door that led to the garage of luxury cars.

* * *

><p>Back at the Uchiha Mansion<p>

* * *

><p>"Ugh Itachi. What time is it?" Sasuke padded down the hall and down the stairs. "Tachi-san. Where are you, dumbass?" he rounded a left corner into the living room. He spotted Itachi on the black suede sofa, sipping on a cup of wine.<p>

"Hm?" he looked away from the hundred twelve inches of high-definition television to acknowledge his beloved brother. "What do you need?"

Sasuke stared at his brother for a second before scolding him. "You know what that stuff did to Father. Only one glass a month. Mother Planet says too much of a good thing is never good." He paused for a second before finishing," I care about you, Itachi –onii. I really do."

Itachi looked up from his glass and gave the younger Uchiha a reassuring smirk. "Please. Things happen in the past so we can learn from them in the future. I know of the health benefits these fermented grapes give to me, and I know of the health risks that too much of it can cause. Stop your worrying, foolish little brother." He took another swig of his wine. "Ah, 1950 Vintage Amontillado…Do you have any idea why this is my favorite type of wine, dear Sasuke?"

Sasuke padded towards him and sat down on the couch. "Is it Poe?" Sasuke poured himself a glass as well and took a swig of it. "I mean, his short story."

"Exactly."

"Hmmm." Sasuke finished his wine and turned to his older brother. "I have detention today."

Itachi turned to him with a surprised look on his face. "You only get detention with…."

"Orochimaru. Yea. Him again." Sasuke sunk into the softness of the sofa. "I need the keys to my car."

"Why? Detention is in the afternoon, right?" Itachi placed his and Sasuke's wine glasses on a silver platter. "You don't need to go anywhere now."

"Don't you remember the big game? I have to practice early since I have detention with Orochimaru."

"Ugh. Ya know, you don't even have to go. That man is a rapist, I just know it."

"What's the deal with you guys anyway? You haven't had detention with him in ages. I remember when you couldn't even make weekend plans because of that snake."

"That bastard tried to rape me." Itachi twitched.

Sasuke turned to him, surprised. "What?! And you never told me? What the hell, man?!" He punched Itachi in the shoulder.

"Calm your tits, bro. He _tried _to rape me and I nearly castrated him. I told him if he ever came near yours or my crotch that I'd kill him. He's too scared to try and give me detention anymore, but he's knows I hadn't told you about our little mishap yet. So seriously, you don't have to go."

"I _have _to go. He's making Naruto and dear Sakura go too. I have to make sure he doesn't hurt her." Sasuke stood from the couch. "Now where are my keys?"

"I wouldn't worry about Sakura too much… But I think you should keep an eye out for Naruto. He was there, ya know." He stood up and pulled his long hair into its signature ponytail with the hair tie he keeps in his pocket at all times.

"There what? Where are the keys?" Sasuke urged him.

"He was there when that asshole slapped my ass." Itachi walked to the grand piano sitting next to the window to the right of them. He played a colorful chord, much unlike anything he or Sasuke would ever willingly play. "He hit Orochimaru over the head with a beaker of acid. That's why he's so pale and sickly looking now. Don't you remember when he was about Naruto's color?" A small door on the side of the piano popped open with a soft _click! _And Itachi promptly took Sasuke's keys out of the compartment. Sasuke blinked at him. " Ah, yea. You were in your last year of middle school when all that was happening." He closed the small door on the compartment.

"Naruto hit Orochimaru on the ehad with a beaker of acid? Oh, no wonder that snake is always covering himself entirely. His hands must be a mess." He reached for his car keys but Itachi promptly lifted them out of Sasuke's reach.

"I owe Naruto my ass.. Literally. And now you owe him too." Itachi said.

"What?" Sasuke gave him a look. "Dude, just gimme my keys."

"No man. Listen. I see what he did. He got himself in detention so he could watch you. Remember, he was there when Orochimaru tried that crap on me." He gave Sasuke a serious look. "He put himself in detention so the snake couldn't try anything. Think about it…"

Sasuke stared at him.

Itachi continued, "Was Orochimaru pissed off when he had to give Naruto and Sakura detention as well? He was angry wasn't he?"

Sasuke nodded.

"It's because he wanted to get you alone, but Naruto ruined that…" He paused a second before putting the keys in his brother's hand. "Here. Take 'em. If he tries to do anything, just call. I'll be at the school for afternoon practice. I'll come running. Tell Sakura and Naruto I said hey."

Sasuke nodded and headed out the living room and to the garage to his car. Itachi sighed and sunk into the couch again. He poured himself another glass of wine.

_I know what this did to Father but… _He poured the alcohol down his throat and sighed. He tilted his head towards the clock on the wall. _Five to eight.._ He got up and padded into the kitchen.

"Maybe I'll take my car today as well.." He grabbed his keys off the hook by the kitchen door and walked out the door.

* * *

><p>School<p>

* * *

><p>"I still can't believe that asshole Oro-sensei gave us detention!" Naruto huffed as he ran laps around the gym, "I mean, <em>come on!<em> Everyone knows he's just doing this to try and get in your pants."

Sasuke puffed next to him. "I know about Itachi, you and the snake, Naruto. All this time I thought you were just assing with me about him..but.."

_ "Aw come on, Orochimaru! We all know you're just after Sasuke because Itachi rejected you! Get over yourself, pervert!"_

_ "Jeez Orochimaru, can you get any more desperate?"_

_ . "ORO-SENSEI, YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR. EVERYONE KNOWS YOU ONLY GAVE SASUKE DETENTION BECAUSE YOU WANT HIS BUNS! BUT YOU'VE GOT SOME SERIOUS PROBLEMS IF YOU THINK I'M LEAVING MY BABY SISTER IN HERE ALONE WITH YOU, PERVERT!"_

_ "_But I never really thought that you were.. serious." Sasuke crossed the court to the basketball rack at the front of the gym.

"So the elder asshole finally told you, eh? He asked me not to bring you up. Thought you'd freak out or something dumb like that." He skidded to a stop next to the basketball goal and placed him hands on his knees to catch his breath. Sasuke brought the basketball rack over to him.

"Yea, he told me. I really appreciate what you're doing." Sasuke shot the first basketball. It rolled around the edge and went in.

"No problem. I hit that bastard in the face with acid before, I'd do it again. Especially now that my baby sister is stuck in detention with us."

* * *

><p>With Sakura<p>

* * *

><p>"Oh Ino-pig. I'm so worried about detention today." Sakura fiddled with her pencil as she thought about the horrors of being alone with Oro-sensei after school. "I'm so glad Naruto and Sasuke will be there."<p>

Ino scoffed. "I'd be more worried for Naruto and Sasuke's asses than my own. Everyone knows that snake is a gay pedophile." She said while filing her nails. Kurenai-sensei's sermon went unheard to her.

"Maybe it won't be so bad." HInata uttered softly. She only stuttered around Naruto, but her voice was never loud. "You'll be protected, at least."

"I guess.." Sakura murmured. She doodled _S + S _in a heart on the cover of her notebook.

Ino noticed her friend's concern and reached over to pat her shoulder. "Come on, girlfriend. You'll be fine. Seriously." She looked her best friend in the eye and smiled. "Besides, you've got Sasuke's gorgeous pecs to protect you, right?"

"Ino you pig!" Sakura playfully punched her in the shoulder. "Yea, I guess."

"SORRY WE'RE LATE KURENAI-SENSEEEIII. WE HAVE A PASS FROM GUY SENSEI!" Naruto was careful not to blast the door off its hinges, but made his and Sasuke's presence well known.

"Yes, Uzumaki-kun. Sit down, please, and stop disrupting my class." Kurenai scolded as she promptly took the passes from Naruto and returned to her lecture on emphatic phrases.

"Mkay." Naruto bounded into his seat next to Hinata and Sasuke sulked into his seat next to Sakura. He was just as nervous about next class with Orochimaru.

"Hey Sasuke! How are you?" Sakura greeted him. She gave him a soft hug while Kurenai had her back turned towards them.

Sasuke stared at her and let out a dejected sigh before placing his head on her shoulder. She could practically feel the worried aura radiating from him.

"Oh. Me and Naruto will be with you, love."

He grunted.

She giggled.

He grunted again and laid his head on the desk to nap.

* * *

><p>Orochimaru's Class<p>

* * *

><p>"Ssssso you sssee classsss, the brain," Orochimaru circled the image of the brain of a snake with a red marker on the smart board, "Isss the mossst vital part of the ssspecimen. It controlssss all motor ssskillsss and breathing processsessss. Any quessstionssss?"<p>

No one made a sound.

"Alright. Now take out your workbookssss and complete chapter ssssseven. All of it."

The class groaned and took out their workbooks to get started with the tedious work. Orochimaru kept glancing up from the paperwork on his desk to stare at Sakura or Naruto. They were chatting it up with friends, having had a study party and completed the week's homework already.

_Once I catch them doing something good… I'll have reason to revoke their detention. How foolish I was to assign them to it in the first place! Uzumaki, you think you're so smart. I'll catch you being a good student, just you wait._

But he didn't catch Naruto being good. In fact, he found more reason to give Naruto detention. Him and his sister. They were tossing paper balls around and into people's hair, chewing their purple gum and blowing giant bubbles that made a mess on their faces, and sticking their old gum under the desks. They were determined to stay after class.

The bell finally rang, and all but six students rushed out the class and into the free world. The three detentioners, Hinata, Ino, and Shikamaru stayed back. The three said their goodbyes and shot dirty looks at Orochimaru on their way out. Ino jumped at Orochimaru, making him flinch and then scowl at her as she slammed the class door behind her. Three students sat in desks staring at him.

He grimaced. "Erm. Why don't you just. I dunno, play a game or something.. I need coffee." And with that, he just walked out. He didn't come back until five minutes before detention was scheduled to end.

"Patty cake, patty cake, baker man! Bake me a cake as fast as you can-.." Sakura and Naruto were playing a preschool game while Sasuke read a book. They all looked up at his pale, dejected face as he walked in.

There was a long silence and an exchange of faces between the teens and the thousand year old alien.

"Get out of my classroom."

* * *

><p><strong>Yaaaaay Chapter Seven! How great was that? Oh yea, we finally found out how the Uchiha parents died. Wow. Harsh. Anyways, now we have another flashback to look forward to: what happened in the classroom with Itachi, Naruto, and Orochimaru? Why didn't Oro-sensei try anything this time? Oh my, questions! You'll just have to read the next chapter to find out, eh? Warm regards, Tara! By the way, here's the translations for the beginning of the chapter:<strong>

"Mother! Father! Hurry, before the line is too long!" A dark haired boy around the age of seven nearly dragged his older brother behind him as he weaved his way through the crowds of Oktoberfest. His parents walked briskly behind the two to keep tabs on their sons in the hustle and bustle of drunken men and short dirndls. "We have to ride, we have to!"  
>"Slow down now, Sasucake" his mother called after him, "You're going to hurt yourself!" Her husband's blank expression did not change as they careened through the people and finally into a line of about five people, including her two sons.<br>Sasuke bounced up and down in excitement as he delightedly stared up at the huge display of the colorful hot air balloon. Itachi stood next to him, excited as well albeit less energetic about it. They all watched as the couple in front of them ascended in the hot air balloon. They floated through the air, up against the clouds like the balloon was weightless.  
>The young boy watched in awe as the diamond patterned balloon bobbed up and down in the air as the driver released heat into the balloon and then closed off the fire. It was a beautiful scene to watch as the thick white clouds rolled by and majestic black birds floated on the breeze.<br>"Do not look too long or your eyes pop out." Itachi teased. Sasuke huffed at him as the balloon finally lowered. He was much too excited to even offer a smart comeback to his brother. The family stepped forward to get on the balloon, but the driver stopped them.  
>"Sorry guys. This balloon can only carry three people. Only two of you may go at a time." He explained. Sasuke was about to drag Itachi into the balloon when Fugaku pulled his collar back.<br>"Hold on, guys. Your mother and I will go first to ensure it is safe before you two go out on your own. "  
>Sasuke complained to him. "I cannot wait any longer, Father! Please let us go first."<br>Fugaku shook his head. "No Sasuke. You will wait until we are sure it is safe for you and your brother. "

…

"MOTHER! FATHER! NO, please, wake up! "

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><p><strong>Tragic, right? Poor Sasuke and Itachi, having to witness all that first hand. Jeez. And what's with Itachi and his drinking problem? What happened to Fugaku and wine? Omg, I'm asking questions again! Read and Review folks. Goodnight.<strong>


	8. Amontillado

**Hello loyal readers! It's Tara again, with the newest chapter of MIB: D! So school is a bummer; it's so boring! …And hard! Chemistry blows, World history sucks, English II bites, and Algebra II is a fail. I'm just glad I'm working hard enough to pass, but it's taking a lot of time out of my writing. I wish it was still summer time, really I do. Nonetheless, I must continue updating! I've promised all of you that I would! So onwards, replies to your reviews!**

** Sarah: **_Well, I think it's because Orochimaru is just that creepy science teacher that like to look at innocent creatures' insides. I guess I can't really picture Asuma or Tsunade being the biology teach. None of the normal Sensei are as creepy as Orochimaru, and I personally find Snake-kun extremely bio-teacher creepy. And as a plus, no other classes would really involve snakes, now would they? C:_

** Celestial Moon Goddess: **_Awe, thanks! I love the reviews. They make me happy. C:_

**A few author notes: Chapter 8! Whoop! I won't be delving further into the death of the Uchiha elders in this chapter; that would make the story go way too quickly. However, I **_**will **_**be digging deeper into Itachi's psychological problems and effects of alcohol on his and Sasuke's people. On with the crazy! **_**DON'T FORGET TO VOTE IN THE POLL ON MY PROFILE!**_

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><p>Chapter 8: Depression<p>

(Itachi Centric)

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><p>I padded around the house. Today is Friday and I didn't feel like going to school. I was drinking all night, and now I have a major hangover. My head is throbbing, and with every heartbeat my world pounds as if it had a heartbeat of its own. It was almost dizzying.<p>

"Ugh, my head is killing me." I complained as I slumped into our plush suede sofa. I had promised Sasuke I wouldn't do this. I promised him I wouldn't be like Father.

Our likeness was uncanny. And yet, we were so different.

I have always had a sweet tooth. I was nearly infatuated with sweets and pastries when I was younger, around Sasuke's age. Mother would take me to the bakery shop and the man behind the counter, I believe his name was Juugo, would give me his special sweet of the day. Father never did like sweets…

Wait…

How'd I get on this topic?

Oh yes… my headache. I glanced lazily around the room, so not to disturb my aching head. Everything was completely normal. Oh, wait, there's a note on the television. I pulled myself off of the couch.

My head spun as I stood up. I ignored it and wobbled towards the note. I picked it up.

_Dear Itachi,_

_ You were sleeping so well I didn't wake you. Something must be wrong if you didn't get me up this morning. I made another futile attempt at breakfast. Failure. So I just went and got you some breakfast from that Whataburger a few blocks from here. It's in the microwave. See you later_

_ Love, Sasuke_

My frown eased as I read the letter. I sat it down gingerly and wobbled into the kitchen. I could eat a horse, I was so hungry. I pulled the food Sasuke had bought me out of the microwave and sat down at the kitchen island to eat it. As I munched on the breakfast burrito, my mind wandered to the drinks in the humidifier we kept in the basement. I tried to shake the thoughts away. I already had a raging hangover, and that stuff isn't good for me anyway.

But it was so damned addicting.

I gulped down the food and chugged a glass of water. Full and satisfied, I shuffled back into the den and slumped into my spot on the sofa. I turned on the TV. and started watching some old cartoons. That was pretty much the only thing I could watch.

Boredom is a bitch.

My mind continued to wander to the strong nectar that lay in wait for me. I decided to get up and find some sweets to bring my mind away from it. I wobbled back into the kitchen, slowing only when I tripped over the threshold. Thank God Sasuke wasn't here to see me so off balance. I looked through our cabinets. The only sweets we had was a box of cake mix.

"Hmm." I pulled the box from the shelf and looked at the required ingredients: eggs, water, and 1/3 cup of softened butter. I licked my lips in anticipation and quickly pulled out my mother's old box of recipe cards. I scanned through them.

Peanut Butter.

Peanut Butter bars, peanut butter cookies, Peanut butter CAKE! Yes!

I yanked out the card and pulled out some peanut butter and chocolate chips. I stirred the cake mix and eggs with water, then heated the peanut butter in the microwave. I poured about a quarter cup's worth into the batter and nearly emptied the half full bag of chocolate chips into it. I was brimming with excitement. I hadn't had these cakes in years… I poured the batter up into a lined cupcake pan and shoved them into the oven.

I could hardly wait as they baked. I wanted one now. I sat in front of the oven staring at the cakes as they baked, my stomach growling. The evil substance in the basement had been long forgotten.

The oven timer beeped, and I nearly ripped the door off of its hinges getting it open. I was patient though, I knew the cakes had to cool before they could be iced and eaten. My stomach moaned at that. I really wanted one. I broke a piece of cake off of one and popped it into my mouth. I groaned in happiness. It was so good. I could feel the creamy peanut butter rolling against my tongue, and the cake sticking to my teeth. I didn't get in chocolate chips in that piece, but I would have as much as I wanted when they cooled.

These cupcakes reminded me so much of my mother. She would always bake them for me when I won a big game. I know they're human food, but they're just so yummy.

Did I just say _yummy_?

My mind wandered to fond memories of mother. When she taught me to ride a bike, or when she raised hell with my teacher for taking my cell phone, mother was always there for me. She was my rock. Until she died. Then it was just me and Sasuke.

My mind suddenly wandered to her death. That gruesome day was posted in nearly every newspaper in Germany.

_Fatal Hot Air Balloon Kills Twelve _and _Joyful Air Ride Gone Awry! _They were all just bitter memories I had cut out and put into the old shoebox I kept under my bed. I frowned at that. I began to focus on mixing the icing for my cupcakes.

_Fatal Hot Air Balloon Kills Twelve_

_ On a lovely autumn evening filled with the traditional beer and cheers, a seemingly normal hot air balloon caused devastation in the west block of the Oktoberfest celebrations of Munich. Twenty people had already been on the balloon, and a couple, aged 40 and 42, boarded the balloon to deem if it was safe for their two young sons to ride. The balloon lifted in the air with no problems. There were no technical difficulties. _

_The tragedy happens when a drunken archer shoots his bow. He is located 20 yards from the landing site of the balloon, just far enough for his arrow to fly askew and hit the balloon directly in the engine that emits the fire to ascend the balloon. The engine exploded into fire and the basket catches fire, with the couple and driver still inside. The captain tries frantically to land the balloon, and almost does, but a gust of wind blows the fire into the material of the balloon itself, sending it crashing down._

_The balloon landed in the Beer Tasting tent just before the judges and guests arrive. Ten workers inside the tent were preparing tables for the event. Only one, Gunther Verndslich, lived to tell the tale:_

"_It was horrible!" he told us, "One second we were setting tables, the next a huge balloon comes crashing in the roof. I thank God today that I was at the far end of the tent bringing in chairs for our important guests. The others weren't so lucky though. Nobody got hit, but the balloon completely blocked the exit I was coming in from, AND it was on fire! They all burned to death, God bless their souls." _

_The captain of the balloon was a widow, and the couple in the balloon left behind two young boys, aged 11 and 7, behind. None of the workers were married, but one, a woman named Madeline Von Dench had a 17 year old son._

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><p>With Sasuke<p>

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><p>"I'm getting pretty worried about Itachi. I saw him drinking yesterday and now he's too sick to come to school." Sasuke was carrying his brother's classwork that had been so graciously provided. "This isn't like him at all."<p>

"I'm sure he'll be fine, Sasuke. Maybe he just had a little too much to drink. You'll see him again this afternoon, right?" Sakura chirped.

"I hope so." He said.

"I know so." She replied. He grinned at her and they walked down the hall to their next class together.

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><p>With Naruto<p>

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><p>I was super worried about Itachi Bastard. I hadn't seen him on the bus ride, and when I asked his dorky brother he told me the skank was sick. What, did he have AIDS or something? If it's just a little bug I'm kicking his ass. He's got me all worried.<p>

I rounded the corner into the math hall. Genma teaches this class, and he's too interested in the boobs in class to pay attention to me. Now will be the prime time for me to text Itachi and see what's up with him. Genma's class was the fifth door on the left. I went in.

The entire place was a rowdy mess! Looked like my kind of party, too. People throwin' paper balls, Lee and Shikamaru arm wrestling, and Genma staring at Ino. Jeez, this guy was like Orochimaru, 'cept he likes little girls, not little boys. Even though I wanted in on this party, I decided my friend was more important, and I took a seat behind Lee to text Itachi.

_Bling da Ding!_

_From: Dumb Blonde_

_Yo, man. You ddnt cum 2 school. Whts the deal? _

_Blung dum dee dee Dum, Blun-_

_From: Bigger Bastard_

_I had a hangover._

_Blung dum dee dee Dum, Blun-_

_From: Dumb Blonde_

_Ah. Im comin over to see you after skl. _

_Bling da Ding!_

_From: Bigger Bastard_

_Fine._

I put my phone back into my pocket. I was worried about that whore, and itwasn't normal for him to have a hangover. He's just gonna have to deal with me this afternoon.

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><p>Back at the Uchiha Mansion<p>

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><p>I was still on the couch munching on peanut butter cupcakes when Naruto and Sasuke walked in. Naruto stopped right in front of me and placed his hands on his knees to look me square in the eyes. I blinked at him.<p>

"_What?"_

He just stared.

"Naruto, you're being stupid again."

"What's this about a hangover? I didn't know you drink." He squinted his eyes at me as if trying to spot a lie forming in my brain.

"I had some drinks. A few too many. No big deal."

He frowned at me. "It IS a big deal when your best friend's brother is going down the same path as his crazy ass dad."

I scowled at him.

He scowled back.

Sasuke plopped down on the couch next to me. "You told me you were only going to have just enough to drink." He gave me a side glance that dripped disappointment.

"I did. I only had about two drinks."

Naruto wasn't buying it. "Oh really? Two drinks? I've seen you get wasted before and it takes at least twelve. You expect me to believe that two little drinks put you away?"

"Alright, alright!" I sighed. "So I had a lot of drinks. I couldn't help myself. It was Amontillado!"

Sasuke stood abruptly. "You said you wouldn't do it! You said you wouldn't drink!" He turned to face me, anger boiling in his face. "You said you wouldn't be like Father! You promised, and yet you lied! I trusted you wouldn't do it, and you did!" He tried to calm himself, putting his face into his hands and pacing. He stopped and looked at me, and snapped. He flipped over the coffee table.

"YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T!" I was speechless. "YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T, WOULDN'T, WOULDN'T!"

He stormed up the stairs, leaving me and Naruto alone together. The blonde stared at me.

"So you promised Sasuke you wouldn't drink, right? What's pressuring you to do it?"

I looked down at the palms on my lap. "I-I don't know… I drink the wine to better my health, but then I just can't stop." I looked up at him. "It's like I don't off switch, you know?"

He stared at me for a long time. "People say you're the smart one, eh? If you know you have a problem, why didn't you get help?" He turned walk out the door into the kitchen before looking back and calling out, "If I were you, I'd see the counselor or something." And then he left.

The problem was, though, that I can't go to the counselor. She wouldn't understand. No human could understand, but at least Naruto could try.

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><p><strong>Well there you go, Chapter Eight! It's nice to reach out to Itachi a bit in this story; he's going to play a very large role in later chapters. Also, we learned some more about the Uchiha elders' deaths. Well, now, that was an interesting chapter! Well at this very moment, Hurricane Isaac is passing through (August 29, 2012 3:53 pm) so what better time to update? Read and Review, and don't forget to<strong>

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><p><em><strong>VOTE IN THE POLL ON MY PROFILE. I CAN'T START A NEW STORY WITHOUT YOUR HELP!<strong>_

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><p><strong>Also, more reviews would help; it would make it easier to write for you guys. Thanks for the support! Love, Tara.<strong>


	9. What Happens in Classes?

**Hello lovely readers! Today is August 30, 2012, and I'm starting the new chapter of MIB: D! I have to warn you though, my parents are going through a divorce and I'm in an emotional downfall, so these next chapters might reflect that, but I'm going to try my best to keep the story as humorous as possible (as humorous as any Sci-Fi story can get, I guess?). Now let me reply to a few reviews:**

** Guest Sarah: **_I hope I don't have to take anything that sounds remotely like "Government". The only way I can even get into politics is when I'm watching the Colbert Report!_

** Dotti3: **_It's so nice to see that new people are reading my story! I've tried this story twice in the past; both were sad failures. I looked back on them and they were pretty terrible. The grammar was so childish; I wanted to slap myself on the forehead. It really makes me beam that I can write a dramatic yet humorous take on what could be out there in the universe that we know nothing about. Also, since you reminded me, we'll be seeing Yumei again in this chapter!_

** Celestial Moon Goddess: **_I figured, Sasuke is always so sour in nearly every story he's in, so why shouldn't there be just one time that he snaps and throws a hissy fit? ;)_

** LadyMartel4000: **_Thanks for all the support! _

**In this chapter, we will delve further into classes. Wouldn't you like to know more about what goes on in Konoha High? I sure would! On with the crazy!**

**Chapter Nine: What happens in classes…?**

Sakura dragged her older brother down the twists and turns of their high school. Since Naruto had been left back a couple of times, they both resided on the same hallway. Itachi had since parted ways to head towards his Physics class. Asuma – sensei did not take kindly to late students.

"Whoa, whoa, slow down Sakura!" Naruto wailed as he was dragged like a rag doll, "we still have time to get to class!"

"Oh no, Naruto. Last time we were late Kurenai made us write lines. My fingers wouldn't unroll themselves for half an hour! We're not going to be late this time. Hurry up, Sasuke!" The ebony haired teen was walking briskly behind the two, trying to keep up but not look like an idiot while doing it.

"Maybe you should slow down, Sakura. The idiot's right, class doesn't start for another two minutes and we're right down the hall." The pinkette turned to scowl at him and he shrugged and jogged a bit to keep up with her.

The three rounded a corner and into their teacher's room. Naruto hit his shoulder on the door frame as Sakura made the sharp turn into the class. She nearly tossed him into his seat next to Hinata, who was always in class first.

"Hum… H-hello, Naruto." She stuttered.

Naruto groaned and held his head. "Huh? Oh, hi Hinata. How're you?"

"I'm f-fine." She replied. "How're y-y-you?"

"I'm _butts _right now, Hinata. Total _BUTTS._"

"Oh..." she had no idea what butts meant, but she figured it couldn't be good, with all his groaning. "I'm s-sorry to hear that."

"Not your fault. It's all Sakura's fault!" he pointed an accusing finger at his baby sister. "YOU! YOU! YOU!"

"You should've never made me late yesterday!" she yelled back.

"I told you I wanted some Sugar Sweet Bombs!" he yelled back.

"You could've waited until after classes!"

"You know they lock the candy machine after two o'clock!"

"Well, maybe that means you should lay off the sugar!"

Naruto huffed. "You wish you could eat as much sugar as I do and not get all fat and stuff." He crossed his arms over his broad chest and pouted like a child.

"Whatever, bro." Sakura pulled out _The Count of Monte Cristo_, the book she had been working on for about a week. She delved within the pages, being transported to Edmond's glorious mansion and being swept away by long colorful gowns and handsome suitors.

Sasuke was staring off into space… Literally. He was having another conversation with the Mother Planet.

==_Come in, Mother Planet.==_

**Well, well, look who called.**

_Excuse my late transmissions, Mother Planet. I've been having some…problems… with Itachi. I've locked myself in my room and won't talk to him, nor look at him. _

**I know all about it, my son. Itachi has already talked to me.**

_Did he tell you what he did?_

**Yes, he did. I am compelled to tell you that your brother has a problem. **Mother Planet sighs and pauses for a second, gathering her words before she speaks again. **Maybe you should…take him to one of those counselors humans seek when they have troubles in life. I think it may be best for him.**

Sasuke let out a disgruntled agreement and ended his transmission. He ran an exasperated hand through his ebony locks and Asuma walked through the door. He held a stack of papers and grinned giddily as he shouted, "POP QUIZ!"

"Ugh, you've got to be kidding me! Asuma you scrub, come on, we don't need a test today!"

Asuma glared at the blonde slacker from behind his stack of papers. "First of all, _Uzumaki, _these are quizzes. They don't count as much as tests do, but they can still seriously affect your grades. And you DO need a quiz today because today is Monday. You should've studied over the weekend." With that, he walked through the lines of desks passing out his quizzes.

Sasuke glared at the paper in front of him.

_Fucking Density conversions._

It was safe to say that Sasuke hated density with a passion. It was so stupid, with all the different metric measurement. So very stupid.

"Let's see… 1.5 x 10^7 m/cm3 converted to kg/cm3. God." He paused for a vague moment, wondering if the rest of his rest believed in a great creator before continuing his work. "Make a tee. Cross multiply." He scribbled numbers along the paper, mumbling instructions to himself as he went.

Naruto, on the other hand, hated math and was bad at it too. He could never remember equations and always needed to be reminded of them. "Gosh," he muttered, "I bet that if I got a job that used chemistry even a little, I could get the stinkin' equations on paper. Hell, I could Google it." He grumbled to himself and scratched numbers onto his paper as he tried to remember the processes.

**With Itachi-Nii and the Akatsuki**

"Bummer." Deidara commented. Itachi had just finished telling them about his falling out with Sasuke and his drinking problem. "I never saw you as a rule breaker, Itachi. Under aged drinking. Quite a crime."

"Aw shut it, Deidara." Sasori scolded. "You're always being such a hypocrite." He turned his face back into the scientific magazine he was reading.

Deidara scowled at him but turned his attention back to Itachi. "So Sasuke just threw a tantrum? That's odd. He's always been one of those weird kids that don't do what you expect them to. You know, like sharing in preschool and eating his vegetables and not falling and scraping his knee when he was learning to ride a bike."

Itachi rolled his eyes. "So? I was the same way."

"So Sasuke's gonna end up being a chronic drinker, too?"

"Shut up, Deidara."

"Fuck, Itachi, stop bitching about it and just chill." Hidan stretched his arms and placed them behind his head.

"Whatever." The four of them were walking down the hall, to their cars. Being high achieving seniors, they left school early. "I still can't stop bugging about Sasuke though. He's never been so upset."

"Ooooh, Uchiha Itachi, the human ice cube, actually has feelings!" Sasori nudged at him in a poking way. Itachi punched Sasori in the chest. "OOW-WOOW. What the hell, yo?"

"Stupid Sasori." Deidara chirped. He was walking backwards as he stared at at his three friends. He didn't see the sudden drop from the sidewalk to the parking lot until it was too late.

"AH! OWWW."

Itachi grinned for the first time in two days.

**At Naruto's House**

"So what's up for dinner, Sakura?" Naruto was munching on some potato chips as he sweeped into the kitchen with his baby sister. Sakura was chatting on the phone with Hinata.

"Hmm? Oh I ordered a pizza. Supreme like you like it." She babbled on about lipstick and hairbows.

"Oh, yea! You didn't order it from Papa John's did you? I _hate _Papa John's…"

_"Oh Yes, purple would look lovely on you! You should totally buy the purple ones..!"_

"SAKURA!"

"Hold on a sec.. WHHAAT? Can't you see I'm on the pho-_one_?" Sakura had pressed the phone to her breast so Hinata couldn't hear her. "I'm telling Hinata to buy a purple shirt because you like purple.. But I didn't tell her that last part…"

"Ah well…I _do _like purple. But, you ordered Pizza Hut, right?" Sakura nodded. "WE'RE EATING LIKE KINGS TONIGHT, BELIEVE IT!"

"Ahaha, yea!" Naruto gave her a high five before running out of the kitchen leaving a trail of potato chip crumbs. Sakura continued her chat with Hinata while heading to the cupboard for a broom and dustpan.

"Mhm…Yea, he just ran out…Oh, he's always making a mess, it's nothing new! I hope you get used to it now, 'cause if you guys get married it's going to be an everyday thing…Aha! Don't deny it, it's gonna happen!" She swept her brother's crumbs up into the pan and carried them to the back kitchen door that leads to the garden. She tossed the crumbs into the flower beds and shuffled back into their house out of the cold of the evening. "Okay, well, I should go… Yea he has an entire bags of chips to himself… Mmkay, bye Hina-chan!"

Sakura replaced the phone back on its receiver and joined Naruto in the living room. He was flopped all over the couch munching on his bag of chips that was almost empty.

"Oh hey, Cookie. Done talking to Hina-chan?" he stuffed some more chips in his mouth after digging around the bag for some more of the starchy goodness.

"You eat like a little chubby piggle." She sat in his stomach and snatched his bag from him. "I had to sweep up more crumbs when you left the kitchen." She lifted the bag to her lips and poured the last of its contents into her mouth before Naruto could grab at the bag. She wiggled on his to keep him down as sh ate his chips in his face.

"That still didn't answer my question!" he strained and then he just pushed her off of him and grabbed the bag from her. He shook it, but it didn't make a sound. "Aw you ate them all!" He pushed her off of the sofa.

"Oww! Naruto!"

"Next time you eat my food, you won't live to see the next day. You can believe it." He gave her one of those looks that he usually saved for when she brought home a 70 on a pop quiz.

Sakura pouted at him and crawled back on the couch. They curled up together and went channel surfing.

**At the Uchiha Household**

"Sasuke you open this door and talk to me right now!" Itachi banged at the door that had locked his younger brother away since four thirty.

"No, I don't want to even look at you."

"Sasuke!...Sasuke, please. Come out, I just wanna talk." Itachi stopped knocking at the door and instead leaned on the wall next to it.

"Nothing you say is going to mask the fact that you're just like Father." Came his younger brother's curt response from behind the oak.

"I NEVER -.." he sighed and collected himself," I never said I'm trying to mask that. I know I have a problem and I…I got help, ok? I saw the counselor."

The door immediately swung open. "How _dare_ you have the arrogance to think that seeing a _human counselor _will make me give you the slightest forgiveness?" He gave his brother a cold stare.

"I don't want your forgiveness. I want you to listen."

"…"

"I'm only doing this for you. I realize that a human cannot even begin to perceive what goes on in my head, but it's a start."

"Whatever."

And the door closed again.

Itachi sighed and went back downstairs. He dumped himself into the plush sofa and stared at the blank flat screen. He glanced over to the alchohol sitting next to the cabinet that held all their DVDs.

"…"

…

…

…

As Itachi climbed the staircase back to his room, liquor and wine dripped along the walls where he'd flung them.

**Seems we got a little input from Sasuke this chapter, ne? I know what you're thinking: I wanted them to make up , not fight more! Well too bad. I'm gonna milk this for as long as possible. Sasuke needs to be an ass for an actual reason, and I like to hold grudges. Ooooh, drama! Anyways, read and review, ok? I can't write without you!**

**Also, alittle side note: **

**I'm so sorry for not updating for so long… My dad finally left my mom and I'm stuck with her. She's an ass most of the time and she makes me so angry sometimes. She also doesn't even like me using my laptop for homework, so it's been hell typing this. Also, when my dad left we temporarily moved about 30 miles from here, and I rarely had any internet. (Well, I had it but again, Mom=douche.) But I'm going to try to type more often while she isn't here. But her boyfriend is a snitch and he might tell her I've been on the computer every day. God, I miss my dad. Anyways, chao!**


	10. Ami's Plan

**What's going on funky party people? Today is December 26, 2012. Hasn't it been a long time since I last updated? Yes. I'm so sorry! Apparently my chemistry teacher thinks that we're in college or something, because he isn't teaching us stuff; he gives us work in the textbook and expects us to know it two days later. I have no idea what all of the polyatomic ions are. Anyways, here's the next chapter! Thanks to everyone that reviewed. Here's a few responses.**

**LadyMartel4000: **_Aw thanks, love. I guess it's alittle better now, but she still nags too much._

**Sarah: **_You always make me feel so bubbly about my writing! _

**GuestIDK: **_Well, it just wouldn't feel right if he didn't have the Sharingan, right?_

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><p><strong>Chapter 10: Ami's Plan<strong>

"So Ami, what happened?" Narume asked as the Ami Trio walked briskly through the halls.

"Yea," Hijira piped in, "I heard that you were beating the crap out of that Yamanaka girl, and then the stupid basketball players got in the way. You're not in trouble are you?"

"We'll bail you out if you are!" Narume suggested. Ami huffed at the two as she suddenly turned a corner. Her lackies jogged a bit to keep up with her. "Hey, what's your problem, anyway?"  
>"It's that stupid pink slut, Haruno Sakura!" Ami turned to face them, her face red and her chest heaving. She flipped her short black locks and tucked them behind her ears. "She's always messing up my plans. But I've got something for her." Ami pulled the two girls into an empty classroom.<p>

"Ami, we can't do this; we're supposed to be in class now! Kurenai will kill us." Narume said as she looked out the window in the classroom door.

"Oh shut up and listen." Ami pulled her purse open and took out an item wrapped in royal purple cloth.

"What is it?" Hijira asked. Ami pulled the cloth open and revealed bottle of strange dark liquid. Narume gasped. The label on the bottle said 'Nahadi'.

"Ami, you wouldn't!" Narume said.

"I would!" Ami growled. Hijira took the bottle from Ami.

"What is it?" She asked turning the bottle over in her palms. "Some sort of poison?"

"Exactly!" Ami growled, snatching the bottle back from Hijira. I'm going to slide it into her food! It attacks the nervous system, disabling her every function for three grueling hours. It takes twenty minutes to take effect, and by that time, she'll be heading to Kakashi's class. We'll ambush her and take our revenge while she's down and out!" Narume and Hijira gave each other a troubled look, which Ami saw. "What? You're not chickening out on me are you?"

Narume was the first to speak up. "Well…Maybe that is a bit.. hardcore, maybe? I don't think we need to go that far. Maybe we should just leave Haruno alone."

Ami fumed and slapped Narume across her face. The auburn haired girl stumbled backwards into Hijira's arms. "Ami! What's wrong with you? You know she's right; we could get in serious trouble if we go through with this! It's not worth it!"

The dark navy haired leader of the three stared at Hijira and Narume for what seemed like eternity. She the straightened her back and said, in a low, frightening voice, "The way I see it, you're either with me or against me. You know you don't wanna be on my bad side, so I suggest you do what you've always done: Shut up and do what I say."

Narume puffed and stood on her own. She took a look at a disturbed Hijira and then back and the furious Ami. She seemed to be weighing things out in her head, but eventually came to a conclusion. She grabbed Hijira's hand. "Well, we don't want to listen to what you say, do we Hijira?"

Hijra raked her hand through her pale gray tresses, a clear sign that she was nervous. However, she nodded in agreement. Ami stood with an incredulous look on her face. She breathed hard, not able to construct any words in her shock. She eventually calmed herelf and screamed at them.

"So you're both traitors, eh? Well I don't need either of you! I can do this on my own!" And she stormed out of the classroom, leaving the two girls reflecting on their bravery.

"Do you think we did the right thing, Narume?" Hijira asked, clearly startled.

"She's on her own now, Hijira. We shouldn't get caught up in her schemes anymore." She turned to face her friend. "It's best that we follow our own paths from now own, without Ami being our ringleader. We can finally be good kids!"

Hijira smiled. "No more detention?"

"No more detention." Narume assured.

* * *

><p><strong>Lunch time with Naruto<strong>

Naruto was jogging through the halls, dragging poor Hinata like a rag doll behind him. "Eh, Naruto-kun, why are we running? Where are we going?"

Naruto threw her one of his trademark grins. "We have ramen in lunch today! I need to get there before anyone else does! I want first dibs." He turned a sharp corner and the lunch doors where in sight. "There it is!"

"Dope." Naruto gasped. Here was the Great Uchiha Sasuke running alongside him, dragging Sakura in a similar fashion as Naruto was dragging Hinata.

"Teme! What are you doing here?" Naruto glared daggers into his best friend's head.

"I know today is ramen day and you want first dibs. I figured I'd ruin your day for you." And with that, he sent more power into his legs and shot forward.

"NO! I won't let you! Teme, get back here!" But it was too late, Sasuke had already sat down with a bowl of ramen, Sakura sitting next to him with whiplash.

Naruto crumpled to the floor. He wept in a ball with Hinata trying to comfort him, not knowing what to do. "Awwwh, Hinata-chan! He got it! He got the first bowl! He's such a dick sometimes..!"

"Oh Naruto, there's always next time..?" It was more of a question coming from her, as she was so confused. She lifted him from the floor and dragged him into the lunch line. "Two bowls of ramen, please." The woman in the hair net poured up two bowls and Hinata paid for them. She dragged Naruto to the table where Sasuke and Sakura sat.

"Hi Hinata!" Sakura chirped.

"Hello Sakura." She turned to Sasuke. "Sasuke-san, do you mind trading ramen with me?"

Sasuke chortled. "Why should I?"

Sakura held onto his arm. "Because I really, really want you to?" She batted her lashes at him. Sasuke narrowed his eyes at his future prize and then sighed. He gave Hinata his bowl of ramen and took hers.

Hinata then promptly gave the bowl of ramen to Naruto, who gave his to her. The blonde idiot then happily slurped up the ramen that he had strided for.

"Ahhh! Thanks Hinata-chan, Sakura-chan!" He said. Sasuke scoffed when his name wasn't mentioned. "Teme, you get not thanks! You stole my ramen!"

Sasuke knocked the bowl out of Naruto's hand. "NOOO!"

Sakura turned to pick up the bowl, and noticed Ami's friends Hijira and Narume. She scowled at them. "What do you want?"

"Uhm. Hey Haruno. We just came to tell you that we don't associate with Ami anymore. She...was going to do something pretty awful to you."

Naruto perked up. "Like what? What is she planning to do to my little sister?" He came forward to the two girls.

"Wait, wait!" Hijira piped, holding up her palms in defense. "She said she wanted to poison her with the paralysis stuff. We we're into the plan so she dumped us. We just came to warn you to start coming to lunch earlier and keep an eye on her. She says she plans to slip it into your food."

Hinata gasped. "That's so evil!" She clinged to Naruto's arm and Sakura stood and approached the girls.

"This isn't some sort of trick?" She asked, looking Narume in the eyes.

"No, it's not. We're done with being mean. Ami was a bitch anyway." She held out her hand. "We want a truce."

Sakura cautiously took the girl's hand. "Alright, but I'm still watching you two."

* * *

><p><strong>Lunch with Ami<strong>

It had already been a half hour. Ami had eaten her lunch and was sitting casually in her seat. She waited and waited. Ami looked all around the lunchroom. She couldn't find that pink haired skank anywhere. "Ugh, where is she? She should've been here by now with that idiot brother of hers and my precious Sasuke."

She huffed and turned to leave the lunchroom. _She must've went to lunch early, that bitch._

She turned a few corners and headed into the school garden, towards the large tree that she and her friends met at around this time, grumbling to herself. She looked around, not seeing her friends in their usual spot. She growled and began calling for them.

"Narume? Hijira!" She called. No one answered. "Oh yea. They left." She scoffed to herself and pulled out a cigarette and lit it up.

"I don't need those skanks anyway. They were worthless! No backbone. I'll get rid of Haruno all by myself." She took a puff of her cigarette. "I should get rid of those traitors too. They know too much.. They know about the poison. They know!" She gritted her teeth, and the cig snapped in half. "I'll show them, I'll show them all! Yamanaka, Narume, Hijira, and Haruno! They'll all pay!" The spat the rest of the cig out of her mouth and laughed maniacly, the laughter echoing through the stillness of the garden.

* * *

><p><strong>Kakashi's Class<strong>

Kakashi was reading his filthy porn book again after he had passed out a pop quiz. It was quite a simple one, just equations. Sasuke was having a conversation with his mother planet again, once he had finished the quiz. He zoned out and activated his Sharingan.

_==Come in, Mother Planet. Contacting. Establishing connection.==_

**Oh, if it isn't my smallest little overlord.**

_You're teasing again, Mother Planet._

**Oh come, now. Have alittle fun conquering a new world. **

_I thought my main mission was to find a suitable mate._

**It is, and you've found one. Don't neglect your other missions as well, son. And keep your tongue hitched while speaking to your Mother Planet. **

_Yes Mother Planet._

**Have you spoken with Itachi lately? **Sasuke fidgeted. **I'll take that as a no. **

_What reason do I have to talk to him? _Sasuke countered.

**He's your brother, and he's doing everything he can to stop his addiction. You need to talk to him and I demand you do so tonight.**

Sasuke sighed in defeat. _Yes Mother Planet._

**Good boy. Now run along, the day is over.**

As the transmission ended, the bell rang to signal the end of the class and the school day. Sasuke stood and gathered his things. Sakura came across him and took his hand.

"You zoned out again. Are you okay?" She had a worried look on her face.

"I'm fine. I just realized I have to speak with Itachi." Her face lit up and she squeezed his larger hand.

"I'm glad. You should've done that long ago." And they walked out of the class together.

* * *

><p><strong>With Itachi <strong>

Itachi was already home by the time Sasuke had gotten off the bus. He was sitting on the plush sofa sipping tea. Sasuke walked in and casually stepped out of his shoes and sat down his things.

Itachi looked at him for a second, wondering why he hadn't gone upstairs yet. His eyes widened when Sasuke strolled over and sat next to him on the sofa.

Sasuke said nothing but did look at his brother from the corner of his eye. Itachi looked back. Eventually Itachi passes Sasuke a cup of tea, the younger Uchiha taking it and sipping from it.

The two relaxed and watched television together.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh yay! Chapter 10 is done! Oooooh, Ami is sucha devious little thing, and who knew that she smoked? Anyways, now Sasuke and Itachi are the best of brothers again! Yay! Well, think of this as a late Christmas gift, guys! Read and review and keep an eye out for chapter 11, alright? Love you, chao!<strong>


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